BREAKING: Trump Buys MySpace

Today Facebook handed down a two-year extension on President Trump’s ban. He wasted no time in his response, buying MySpace and placing his picture in the number one spot where Tom used to be.

“Tom was an iconic figure at MySpace whose picture greeted each new user. I plan to place my photo in his former spot, automatically making me one of each user’s Top 8, ” he said. “We also are returning MySpace to its glory years by allowing users to post 32,500 music videos that all play at once, causing the page to take three days to load.”