Canadian Man Busted For Having 24 Wives and 149 Children

A Canadian man got a light sentence after being convicted of polygamy recently. He had 24 wives and 149 children when the case began in British Columbia.

I see polygamy as the least of his problems. What about the stress of 24 wives and 149 children? That’s an anniversary an average of every 15 days. A birthday an average of every 2.1 days!

They live in a remote area of southeast British Columbia called Bountiful. It’s named after their food bill.

Can you imagine driving in to town to do food shopping for 173 kids and wives. You’d have to have more semi-trailers than a Taylor Swift tour. Just one for milk alone.

I’m not married because marriage. But I imagine keeping conversations straight with 24 wives would be a challenge. He says, “I love what you’ve done with your hair, Jolene. Very ‘Little House on the Prairie.'” She says, “I haven’t changed my hair since you married wife 15 in 2001, silly.”

A significant number of his wives were 15-17 years old when they got married, which was legal in Canada at the time. At some point some of the kids had to be graduating high school alongside their new aunts. How many cameras did the family have recording the graduation ceremonies? They made their own press corps.

How many loads of laundry do they wash every week? And what’s the water bill from hundreds of showers every morning? Might be easier in the morning to wear the clothes you want for that day and jump in the nearest creek for a scrub and rinse. Covers two things at once.

Feeding such a large group is a constant challenge. Did they start their own farm with cows, chickens and crops? Maybe they saved time and dirty glasses by drinking milk straight from the cows. He might think, “Hey, this tastes great. We should open a whole chain of cafes selling cups of milk coming from right from a cow’s udder. How about ‘Udderly Delightful’, ‘Nipples to You’, or ‘Raw Milk Direct.'”

I grew up in a big family. One of the rules at dinner is “don’t talk until you eat.” The reason is while you are talking away, the rest of the family is eating all the food. What, you didn’t get much food at dinner? Too bad. Should have thought about that when you were blabbing on for 10 minutes about your hockey game where you took a shot on your own goal by accident.