Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems

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Joe Ditzel

Democrats

The Player: We’re more of the love, blood and rhetoric school. Well, we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrent or consecutive. But we can’t give you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory. They’re all blood, you see.
Gran Torino
Harry Tofcano
Zoolander
Blazing Saddles
Life of Brian
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Milton Berle
Adam Sandler
The Godfather
The Godfather
L.A. Law
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Arrested Development
Old School
Old School
David Spade
David Spade
Rushmore
Rushmore
Home Improvement Store
Superbad
Erma Bombeck
Mark Twain
Clifton Paul Fadiman
John Updike
Caddyshack
Caddyshack
The Simpsons
The Simpsons

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Joe Ditzel

TV Quote: Me?

The Player: We’re more of the love, blood and rhetoric school. Well, we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrent or consecutive. But we can’t give you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory. They’re all blood, you see.
Gran Torino
Harry Tofcano
Zoolander
Blazing Saddles
Life of Brian
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Milton Berle
Adam Sandler
The Godfather
The Godfather
L.A. Law
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Arrested Development
Old School
Old School
David Spade
David Spade
Rushmore
Rushmore
Home Improvement Store
Superbad
Erma Bombeck
Mark Twain
Clifton Paul Fadiman
John Updike
Caddyshack
Caddyshack
The Simpsons

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Quote
Joe Ditzel

Time to Flip

MEACHAM: ‘Here’s what I suspect the future is: We’ve had it backwards. … We produce a magazine all week, we close it Friday and Saturday, and it begins to go out online … We have Newsweek.com every day, but [for] 77 years, the emphasis has been on the print. It’s probably time to flip that. In which you are solely focused on the digital, and by the end of the week you take the best of, and for people who want to hold a magazine in their hands – and there are people who can still do that … then you print that magazine. … This is an existential crisis – and it’s not just because … I feel incredibly strongly that this magazine for 77 years … has mattered unto the life of the country. It’s one of the very few common denominators in a fragmented world. … I think the country will be poorer for our disappearing. And the good news is we did not close today – we went up for sale.’

STEWART: ‘You’re like a personal Wikipedia.’

MEACHAM: ‘Which is gonna be good, ’cause I’m looking for work.’

– Newsweek Editor Jon Meacham to Jon Stewart on ‘The Daily Show’

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Joe Ditzel

Battering Ram

[Daniel and coworker are in large Jeep]
Daniel Miller: Why do you drive this?
Jeep Owner: What?
Daniel Miller: I’m curious. I see people driving these things. What do you know that I don’t? Are floods coming? Hoover Dam broke? What’s going on?
Jeep Owner: I like this car.
Daniel Miller: It’s not a car, it’s a battering ram. This is what Patton drove: “Hey you, soldier! Follow us!”
Jeep Owner: Make fun, but in an 8.5 earthquake, you’ll beg for a Jeep.
Daniel Miller: In an 8.5 earthquake, I’ll beg for a coffin.

– Defending Your Life

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Joe Ditzel

Archibald the Golfer

Archibald Mealing was one of those golfers in whom desire outruns performance. Nobody could have been more willing than Archibald. He tried, and tried hard. Every morning before he took his bath he would stand in front of his mirror and practise swings. Every night before he went to bed he would read the golden words of some master on the subject of putting, driving, or approaching. Yet on the links most of his time was spent in retrieving lost balls or replacing America.

– P.G. Wodehouse, Archibald’s Benefit

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Joe Ditzel

Not Sure

Danny Noonan: I haven’t even told my father about the scholarship I didn’t get. I’m gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life.
Ty Webb: What’s wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards.
Danny Noonan: I notice you don’t spend too much time there.
Ty Webb: I’m not quite sure where they are.

– Caddyshack

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Joe Ditzel

Lock Me Up

The Player: We’re more of the love, blood and rhetoric school. Well, we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrent or consecutive. But we can’t give you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory. They’re all blood, you see.
Gran Torino
Harry Tofcano
Zoolander
Blazing Saddles
Life of Brian
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Milton Berle
Adam Sandler
The Godfather
The Godfather
L.A. Law
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Arrested Development
Old School
Old School
David Spade
David Spade
Rushmore
Rushmore
Home Improvement Store
Superbad
Erma Bombeck
Mark Twain
Clifton Paul Fadiman
John Updike
Caddyshack

Read More
ComedyQuote
Joe Ditzel

Movie Quote: Great Crusade

The Player: We’re more of the love, blood and rhetoric school. Well, we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrent or consecutive. But we can’t give you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory. They’re all blood, you see.
Gran Torino
Harry Tofcano
Zoolander
Blazing Saddles

Read More