Quote Archives - Page 7 of 11

December 5, 2009 Joe Ditzel

Awake at Night

Special Agent Derek Morgan: So tell me, what does keep young Dr. Reid awake at night? Wait, let me guess. Memorizing some obscure textbook? No, no, no. Working on cold fusion? No, I got it, I got it, I got it. Watching Star Trek and laughing at all the physics mistakes?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, there aren’t that many scientific errors in Star Trek, especially considering how long ago it was made. There are certain improbabilities, but not that many outright errors.
Special Agent Derek Morgan: Right.

– Criminal Minds

Comedy Quote

December 5, 2009 Joe Ditzel

Lindy Landing

Doctor: She had a tattoo of Lindy landing in Paris on her back. If she moved certain muscles just right, she could get the wheels off the ground.

– Dharma and Greg

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December 5, 2009 Joe Ditzel

In the Way

Greg: [to Dharma] I wouldn’t want our marriage to get in the way of your dating.

– Dharma and Greg

Comedy Quote

November 22, 2009 Joe Ditzel

Little League

I wish I could play little league now. I’d be way better than before.

– Mitch Hedberg

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November 20, 2009 Joe Ditzel

Tax the Rich

Yes, I think we should tax the rich. Just as long as it starts right above me.

– Ben Stein on “Think Tank”

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October 25, 2009 Joe Ditzel

Don’t Be Afraid, My Son

Priest: Don’t be afraid, my son. No one is more powerful than God.
Calogero ‘C’ Anello: I don’t know about that, father. Your guy may be bigger than my guy up there, but my guy is bigger than your guy down here.
Priest: Ya got a point.

– A Bronx Tale

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October 25, 2009 Joe Ditzel

What’s Your Name, Kid?

Sonny: What’s your name, kid?
Calogero ‘C’ Anello: Calogero.
Sonny: That’s a long name. Don’t you have a nickname?
Calogero ‘C’ Anello: No.
Sonny: What do your friends call you?
Calogero ‘C’ Anello: Calogero.
Sonny: That makes sense.

– A Bronx Tale

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August 14, 2009 Joe Ditzel

Five Miles

Sergeant Hulka: We got a full day ahead of us. We’re gonna start out with a five-mile run.
[Soldiers groan]
John Winger: I know that I’m speaking for the entire platoon when I say this run should be postponed until this platoon is better rested.
Sergeant Hulka: Well, I’ll tell you what, soldier. Let’s make it ten miles.

– Stripes

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August 14, 2009 Joe Ditzel

Finally

Cruiser: I guess we’re going after John and Russell. I can’t believe they’re Russian spies. Can you?
Psycho: All I know is, finally I get to kill somebody.

– Stripes

Comedy Quote

August 9, 2009 Joe Ditzel

Fight After School

Buddy Revell: You and me, we’re gonna have a fight. Today. After school. Three o’clock. In the parking lot. You try and run, I’m gonna track you down. You go to a teacher, it’s only gonna get worse. You sneak home, I’m gonna be under your bed.

– Three O’Clock High

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August 5, 2009 Joe Ditzel

Birds and Fast Cars

“I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.”

-George Best

Comedy Quote

July 14, 2009 Joe Ditzel

First Computer

Conspiracy Brother (Dave Chapelle): George Washington Carver made the first computer! Out of a peanut! A PEA-NUT!

– Undercover Brother

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June 10, 2009 Joe Ditzel

Movie Quote: Call the Police

The Player: We’re more of the love, blood and rhetoric school. Well, we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrent or consecutive. But we can’t give you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory. They’re all blood, you see.
Gran Torino

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June 10, 2009 Joe Ditzel