Social Media

To capitalize on it’s popularity among high school and college students, Facebook has purchased the rights to the lives of all 15-22 year olds worldwide. The company will have full rights including dictating who they vote for and who gets access to jobs and other opportunities.

“This is a great thing for the entire age group,” said Tyler Runyon, Facebook VP for Coolness. “Up to now we’ve only been able to get our users to rate each other’s “hotness” or to make crazy comments on each other’s pictures. By owning the kids outright we’ll be able to offer many more features to them.”

Brian Ostermyn, a sophomore at SUNY Albany said he supports the move. “Heck, if it helps me get into a good MBA program, I’m all in.”