Programmer’s Drinking Song
PROGRAMMER’S DRINKING SONG
100 little bugs in the code,
100 bugs in the code,
fix one bug, compile it again,
101 little bugs in the code.
101 little bugs in the code…..
Joe Ditzel
Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems
Uncategorized
How Many Computer Scientists
Q: “How many computer scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?”
A: “Five. Two write the specifications, one to prove their validity and two to implement it.”
ID Ten T Error
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.
As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?”
“It was an ID ten T error.”
“An ID ten T error? What’s that in case I need to fix it again?”
Harold grinned. “Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”
“No.”
“Write it down,” he said, “and I think you’ll figure it out.”
So I wrote it down …… I D 1 0 T.
I used to like Harold.
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Flat Tire
A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.
The project manager said, “Let’s catch a cab and in ten minutes we’ll reach our destination.”
The computer programmer said, “We have the driver’s guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive.”
The computer operator said, “Let’s turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem.”
Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: “Try to close all windows, get out of the car, and then get in and try again.”
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I’d Like a Beer
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, “For you, no charge!”
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Mountain Road
A software engineer, a hardware engineer and their manager are in the car going to an industry convention in their rental car. To get there they must navigate a treacherous mountain road. While they are coming down a steep and narrow incline the car’s brakes go out. The car starts going way too fast and they all fear this will be the end of their lives. But somehow the driver manages to not careen off the road and they glide to a stop once safely down the hill.
They all get out and catch their breath.
The manager is first to speak, “Well, let me get my cell phone so I can call the tow truck to take it to the garage.”
The hardware engineer says, “No, no, no, just pop the hood and we can fix the problem ourselves.”
The software engineer says, “Guys, just wait. Before we do anything we should take it up the hill and see if it happens again!”
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Go Ahead
Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
“Hello?”
“Honey, It’s me.”
“Sugar!”
“Are you at the club?”
“Yes.”
“Great! I’m at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?”
“What’s the price?”
“Only $1,500.”
“Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much.”
“Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2004 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price … and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”
“What price did he quote you?”
“Only $60,000!”
“Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
“Great! Before we hang up, something else…”
“What?”
“It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and…well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property…”
“How much are they asking?”
“Only $450,000… a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”
“Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000, OK?”
“Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”
“Bye.”
The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap and asks aloud, “Does anyone know to whom this phone belongs?”
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Hit Enter When Ready
Tech Support: “What does the screen say now.”
Customer: “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”
Tech Support: “Well?”
Customer: “How do I know when it’s ready?”
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Depth of Talent – Engineering Joke
Sam was fresh out of engineering school and went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, “What is three times seven?”
“22,” Sam replied.
After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator and realized he wouldn’t get the job. About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job!
He was happy to get the job but also curious. So,the next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong.
The boss shrugged and said, “Well, you were the closest.”
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Under the Cover of Darkness
A Russian, an American, and a blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, “We were the first in space!”
The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”
The blonde said, “So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!”
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian.
The blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”
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Flight Control
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?" Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
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No Extra Charge For the Stripped Gears and Door Dings
You worked all your life to afford that $150,000 car. Then you handed the keys to a complete stranger.
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