Catholic Mass to offer alternatives to sacramental wine including Mountain Dew Pitch Black, A&W Root Beer and Sunny D

In order to boost attendance from younger parishioners, Catholic churches are now offering alternatives to traditional sacramental wine including Mountain Dew Pitch Black, A&W Root Beer or Sunny D.

“To stem the trend of increasing non-attendance from the younger set, we’ve broadened the sacramental selections,” Father Frescalight explained. “We find that creates a buzz at raves, Democratic rallies and other places young people gather and helps raise awareness of the changes we are making to improve the Mass experience.

“Other ideas we are considering including bounce houses for kids, virtual reality glasses in the pews so you can imagine the mass is taking place on a beach, and crypto investment counselors available in the confessionals.”