Chewing tacos with your mouth open while watching the Bachelor

Ever wonder what “Number One With a Bullet” really means. On the Billboard Hot 100 Chart, if your song outperforms what it did last week, it gets a bullet next to the listing. You get a star if there are additional awards.

Currently, Lil Tjay’s “Calling My Phone” is number 3 with a bullet as it entered the chart for the first time.

Olivia Rodgrigo, who you may know from two Disney series she appeared in, hit big with “Drivers License” which first blew up on TikTok before it took over the world. It gets a star instead of a bullet because it not only outperformed last week’s chart position, it also had the biggest airplay gain.

Similarly, Ariana Grande’s suggestively titled “34+35” gets a star because of multiple achievements. It outperformed last week’s chart position, but also had the biggest sales gain and streaming gain.

I’ve come up with a similar system for my dating life. If you don’t ghost me after one date, you get a bullet. If you return my text within 3 weeks, you get a star. You also earn a star for not wearing sweat pants on a date, not chewing tacos with your mouth open while you watch “The Bachelor” on the TV over my shoulder at the restaurant, and don’t wear Uggs because you “want to keep your feet warm” even though it is the middle of summer.