Dallas fan reaction: “If the Cowboys are worth more than any other sports franchise, how come they haven’t won a Super Bowl since 1995?”
I asked Dallas Cowboy fans if the team is worth so much, why haven’t they won the Super Bowl since 1995?
“You know, after their last Super Bowl win, the Cowboys were abducted by aliens who wanted to study excellence. They returned them just slightly off, and we’ve been recalibrating since!” – Steve L., Plano
“They actually have won multiple Super Bowls since ’95, but someone keeps going back in time and messing with the timeline. I blame New England fans.” – Laura M., Grapevine
“Ever since a rogue Hogwarts student put a Super Bowl-winning curse on the Cowboys, we’ve had some challenges. But just wait until we find that Horcrux!” – Brian F., Irving
“The universe is a simulation, and there’s a bug in the code for the Cowboys’ Super Bowl wins post-’95. Elon Musk is working on the patch.” – Jennifer A., Denton
“There’s a secret society that’s been preventing the Cowboys from winning because if they do, it’ll reveal the location of hidden treasures worldwide.” – Roberto G., Mesquite
“The spirit of an old western cowboy told Jerry Jones that the team can only win another Super Bowl when the spirit of true cowboys return to the land. We’re waiting for that perfect sunset!” – Karen P., Garland
“Beyoncé made a secret pact that in exchange for her incredible success, the Cowboys would have to take a Super Bowl hiatus. She’s up for renegotiation soon.” – Yasmine T., Richardson
“Every time the Cowboys are about to win, a supervillain threatens the world, and, being the heroes they are, they sacrifice the win to save humanity.” – Darren S., Frisco
“The Cowboys’ winning power was trapped in a mystical orb by rivals. We just need a band of brave adventurers to retrieve it.” – Teresa K., McKinney
“They’ve been winning Super Bowls in a parallel universe consistently since ’95. Just so happens we’re in the universe where they’re giving others a chance.” – Malik R., DeSoto
“A vampire has taken residence under the AT&T Stadium, and he feeds on Super Bowl aspirations.” – Heather Q., Allen
“Don’t worry about it. They’re working on a cyborg quarterback that can throw 300 yards. Tom Brady 2.0 is in beta testing.” – Reggie O., Addison
“It’s all diet. They eat too well. They need more red meat and less of that tofu stuff. A steak a day keeps the Super Bowl losses away.” – Paula J., Grand Prairie
“It’s the players these days, listening to all that hip-hop instead of proper country music like George Strait. A little ‘Amarillo by Morning’ could fix their fourth quarter.” – Keith V., Burleson
“I heard they switched to a new brand of cowboy boots, and it’s thrown off their balance. Time to get back to the classics.” – Melanie B., Cedar Hill
“Ever since they stopped wearing those lucky belt buckles, things just haven’t been the same. Bring back the bling!” – Charles W., Rockwall
“You know, back in the day, players weren’t distracted by TikTok and Instagram. Maybe if they’d ‘Renegade’ less and practice more, we’d have a few more rings!” – Vanessa D., Rowlett
“It’s global warming. The Texas heat used to be our secret weapon, but now everyone’s acclimated.” – Jamal H., Duncanville
“I’ve heard they started aromatherapy in the locker rooms. Too much lavender, not enough sweat.” – Fiona E., Lewisville
“They need to train like the old days – chasing armadillos and lassoing bulls. Builds character and agility!” – Hector Z., Flower Mound
“Someone rearranged the stars above the AT&T Stadium. Just need to align them correctly, and Super Bowl wins will rain down.” – Sandra N., Waxahachie
“I reckon they’ve been doing too much of that calm, centering yoga. We need more ‘Yeehaw Yoga’ – where you channel your inner cowboy!” – Wayne C., Arlington
