Dear Britain: Have fun at work tomorrow!

As the calendar turns to July 4th, a distinctive cheer echoes from sea to shining sea in the United States. The air is filled with the scent of barbecues, the sky adorned with fireworks, and the streets alive with parades and laughter. It’s a day of celebration, a day of freedom, and, most importantly, a day off from work. Meanwhile, across the pond, our friends in Britain are preparing for another regular day at the office. So, here’s a note to our former rulers: “Have fun at work tomorrow!”

The Fourth of July! The day when Americans unite over their shared love of grilled meats, star-spangled outfits, and pyrotechnic displays that would make any health and safety officer cringe. We gather in parks, backyards, and beaches, waving flags and enjoying the sweet taste of liberty-flavored ice cream. It’s a day when we bask in the glory of our independence, and if we’re being honest, it’s also a day when we indulge in the guilty pleasure of imagining our British friends hunched over their desks, furrowing their brows over TPS reports.

Dear Britain, we truly hope you enjoy that morning commute while we’re navigating our way to the nearest picnic spot. Think of us as you sip your tea, meticulously prepared at the perfect temperature, while we’re chugging down gallons of iced lemonade, because, well, hydration is key when you’re working on your tan. As you punch in at the office, spare a thought for us punching out the last-minute details of our fireworks display. We may be dodging rogue sparks, but at least we’re not dodging emails from upper management.

We understand that work must go on, and we deeply respect the dedication it takes to maintain that stiff upper lip and carry on with business as usual. After all, someone has to keep the world turning while we’re busy turning hot dogs on the grill. And while you’re busy with spreadsheets and conference calls, we’ll be strategizing the best way to eat five burgers in one sitting without slipping into a food coma.

Let’s not forget the joyous sounds of the Fourth – the crackle of fireworks, the cheer of children chasing after candy thrown from parade floats, and the patriotic tunes blasting from every corner. Meanwhile, we imagine your office’s soundtrack might consist of the gentle hum of the copier, the clicking of keyboards, and perhaps a subdued sigh or two.

To our British colleagues, we raise a glass (or perhaps a red Solo cup) in your honor. We hope your day is productive, your meetings are brief, and your tea breaks are plentiful. We’ll be here, living the dream of liberty and leisure, and thinking of you every time we see a Union Jack. And if you hear the distant echo of a firework, just know it’s our way of saying, “Cheers to you, mate!”

As the sun rises on another beautiful Fourth of July, remember this: while you’re busy making the world a better place through your diligent work, we’ll be celebrating the fact that we got away from your tyranny 248 years ago.

We’ll be here, with sunscreen on our noses, sparklers in our hands, and a special place in our hearts for our friends across the pond. Maybe next year we’ll send you some fireworks to liven up your office day. You scalawags!