Snippets of 14-year-old Donald Trump working at McDonald’s

On Greeting Customers

“Welcome to McDonald’s, the greatest burger place, maybe of all time. Everyone’s talking about it, believe me. You’re lucky to be here—you’ll probably want to tell your friends about this historic visit.”

On Describing a Hamburger

“This hamburger? It’s not just a burger, okay? It’s a tremendous burger. A winner. It’s two all-beef patties, perfectly seasoned—some are saying the best seasoning in the business. The bun? Absolutely toasted to perfection. Some places give you stale buns—sad! Not here. And the ketchup? Imported from the finest tomato fields. You’ll love it. Everyone loves it.”

On Upselling Fries

“You don’t just want fries. You want McDonald’s fries, the gold standard of fries, people are saying. They’re crispy, golden, and delicious. They’re so good, frankly, I can’t believe we’re practically giving them away. Some people would charge double for these, but not McDonald’s. We care about the people.”

On Pitching the Milkshake

“You’ve never had a milkshake like this. Thick, creamy, incredible flavor. It’s not just a milkshake; it’s an experience. It’s like drinking success through a straw. Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry—whatever you pick, it’s going to be a very, very good choice. Believe me.”

On Handling a Complaint

“Listen, I hear you. You say the burger isn’t hot enough? That’s fake news. I touched it myself, and it was absolutely the hottest burger you’ve ever had. But just for you, because I’m a nice guy, I’ll replace it. Not because it’s bad—but because I’m that good at customer service.”

On Clocking Out

“It’s been a fantastic day. Tremendous sales. Best McDonald’s performance they’ve ever seen. And you know why? Because I was here. No one flips a burger like me. And tomorrow, we’re going to make McDonald’s even greater. Big things are happening—huge.”

Donald Trump’s McDonald’s performance review

1960 McDonald’s Employee Performance Review: Donald J. Trump, Age 14

Employee Name: Donald J. Trump
Position: Burger Flipper Extraordinaire (Self-Titled)
Manager: Mr. Frank Jenkins

Customer Service: 3/10

Donald’s approach to customers is… unique. While he often greets customers with enthusiasm, phrases like “Welcome to the most historic McDonald’s visit of your life” and “Our fries are better than any fries in history—even the Romans didn’t have fries like these” have left many patrons confused.

• Feedback Example: A regular customer noted, “I just wanted a hamburger, but this kid gave me a five-minute speech about how eating it would ‘make McDonald’s the greatest fast-food chain in the world.’ I’m still not sure if I ordered or joined a movement.”

Teamwork: 2/10

Donald’s teamwork is… selective. He often refers to himself as “the top performer” and has been heard saying, “I don’t think we need so many crew members—I could probably handle this whole restaurant myself.”

• Incident Report: Donald was caught trying to rename the “Crew of the Month” award to “The Donald Trophy” and told the team he planned to be the first perpetual winner.

Job Knowledge: 7/10

Donald has mastered the basics of the McDonald’s menu but insists on adding his own flair. For example, he frequently refers to the Filet-O-Fish as “the Bigly Sea Delight” and suggests customers call the fries “Trump Sticks” instead. His menu knowledge is solid, but the rebranding attempts are… concerning.

Work Ethic: 5/10

Donald often claims to work harder than anyone else, stating, “Nobody flips burgers like me, folks. They’re saying it all over town.” However, his productivity is inconsistent.

• Manager’s Note: “Donald spent 45 minutes reorganizing the ketchup packets into a ‘very classy display,’ then gave a 10-minute speech about how it’s the best-looking ketchup in the industry.”

Punctuality: 4/10

Donald insists he’s never late, even when he arrives 20 minutes after his shift starts. His reasoning? “The shift doesn’t really begin until I’m here. That’s when the magic happens.”

Attitude: 10/10 (Confidence) / 1/10 (Humility)

Donald has unparalleled confidence, frequently stating, “I’m the best thing to happen to McDonald’s since the bun.” However, his humility is non-existent.

• Memorable Quote: “If I were in charge, we’d be selling McSteaks by now, not just burgers. Think about it.”

Overall Comments:

Donald is a… memorable addition to the team. His enthusiasm is unmatched, but his approach to teamwork, humility, and adherence to company procedures leaves much to be desired. While he claims he’s “going to revolutionize fast food,” we’d settle for him learning to mop the floor without giving a 10-minute monologue about how he’s “the best mopper in franchise history.”

Final Recommendation:

Consider assigning Donald to promotional events or public relations, where his confidence and flair could be better utilized—preferably away from the grill.