Elon Musk buys LA Lakers

BREAKING: Elon Musk buys Los Angeles Lakers, immediately drafts Giannis Antetokounmpo, Kevin Durant, Nikola Jokic, Joel Embiid and Stephen Curry.

– Players will sit on Twitter board, get free flights to Mars.

– LeBron James announces move to full-time film actor.

– Nets owner leaves voice message: “Call me! Please!”

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.