Elon Musk Promises Free Tesla Motorcycles to All Trump Voters: “Badassery on Two Wheels”
Elon Musk announced today that every American who votes for Donald Trump in the upcoming election will receive a brand-new Tesla electric motorcycle. Dubbed the “Tesla Bushi,” this bike combines the sleek design and eco-friendly technology of Tesla with the rugged, rebellious spirit of a souped-up, gas-guzzling chopper.
“We’re redefining what it means to be an electric biker,” Musk said, speaking from a flamethrower-themed stage at the packed announcement presentation. “No more deciding between saving the planet and looking cool. With the Bushi, you can do both… and vote for Trump.”
“Roar Like a Tiger, Charge Like a Tesla”
According to Tesla insiders, the Bushi can go from 0 to 60 mph in 2.5 seconds, making it faster than a lightning strike, a speeding bullet, and any other metaphors Musk could think of at the time. The bike boasts a sleek black finish, custom leather seat options, and an optional feature where, instead of a horn, the bike just blasts a few seconds of Ted Nugent’s “Cat Scratch Fever.”
“We’re proud of this design,” Musk continued. “It’s like if Steve Jobs and an ancient samurai had a baby, and that baby was an electric motorcycle.”
The bike also features an AI-powered navigation system, which Musk said is programmed to “only suggest the most patriotic routes” and will automatically steer you away from California unless you input a special override code. “We’re serious about that last part,” Musk added, with a wink. Each bike comes with a Tesla sticker that reads, “Make America Fast Again.”
Fine Print and Charging Ports: What Voters Need to Know
The Bushi’s battery life is described as “sufficient” for most people’s commutes — except, apparently, those in rural areas, where Tesla promises they’ll be “adding more charging stations sometime soon, probably.” Musk assured prospective riders that the bike charges in just 3 minutes — unless you’re on your fifth charging station of the day, in which case, “maybe just let it rest.”
“Cool Factor” Is Through the Roof, Says Musk
Tesla’s CEO was clear: “This isn’t just a political stunt; it’s a lifestyle. We’re giving Trump voters the freedom to roam the open road, all while enjoying the silent hum of electric motors.” The bike also comes equipped with a subtle but sophisticated feature where it revs up slightly louder whenever passing a Prius. “We call that ‘Road Dominance Mode,'” Musk said.
Reaction has been mixed. Some are thrilled at the idea of riding a Tesla-branded bike into the sunset, while others are questioning the practicality of offering an electric motorcycle to rural voters who, as one critic put it, “can’t even find a reliable cell signal, let alone a charging port.” Still, Musk remains undeterred. “We’re changing the game,” he said, before promising that the bike will be able to tow at least four times its own weight. “Why? Because it’s badass. That’s why.”
Is This the Future of Voting Incentives?
Political analysts are already debating whether Musk’s offer will sway undecided voters. “This sets a new precedent,” said one pundit. “Usually, you just get a sticker after voting. Now, you might get to ride home on a $25,000 electric hog.”
But Musk doesn’t see it as an attempt to buy votes. “It’s not about politics,” he explained. “It’s about giving people what they want: speed, power, and the chance to feel like a modern-day warrior without burning a gallon of gas. If that happens to be something Trump voters want, then great. If it inspires others to vote, even better.”
As the election approaches, one thing is clear: if Elon Musk has his way, the roads may soon be filled with the low, steady purr of electric motorcycles — and the echoes of classic rock blasting from helmet speakers.
