Elon Musk Teases Mini Cybertruck

Musk is set to unveil a new, pint-sized addition to Tesla’s lineup: the Mini Cybertruck. Rumored to be roughly the size of a Toyota Corolla, the announcement has already caused a schism in the Tesla fandom, with half the internet declaring it “revolutionary” and the other half wondering why anyone would want an armored Hot Wheels in their driveway.

“Think of it as the Cybertruck’s feisty little brother,” Musk tweeted at 3:47 a.m. last night. “Smaller, sleeker, and still capable of withstanding a baseball bat. Mostly.”

The Mini Cybertruck, unofficially dubbed the “Cybertruck Nano” by eager Redditors, is said to feature all the iconic angular glory of the original but scaled down for those who need apocalypse-level durability while running errands in the Trader Joe’s parking lot. Early mock-ups suggest it could tow “an entire Applebee’s,” yet still squeeze into a Whole Foods compact spot. Musk clarified, “It can definitely pull your boat. If your boat is a kayak.”

Features That Defy Logic, as Usual

According to Tesla insiders (aka that guy on Twitter who photoshops Tesla patents), the Mini Cybertruck will include:

• Armor plating: For the 0.0001% chance you get ambushed by Mad Max extras on the way to Starbucks.
• Solar panels on the roof: Enough to power your Spotify playlist while parked but probably not enough for the whole car. “It’s more for vibes,” Musk admitted during a leaked meeting.
• A fold-out espresso machine: Because Tesla believes caffeine should always be within arm’s reach, even during a high-speed car chase.
• Bulletproof glass (again): “This time it works,” Musk assured, adding a winking emoji.

A Price Tag That Only Elon Could Defend

At an anticipated starting price of $39,999—before adding the $7,000 “Stealth Mode” package and the $3,500 “Unnecessary Flame Decals” upgrade—Tesla is positioning the Mini Cybertruck as a luxury item for “compact truck lovers who still want to intimidate everyone at a stoplight.”

Musk described the target audience as “urbanites who want to feel rugged but still complain about weak Wi-Fi in coffee shops.”

Critics and Fans Speak Out

While Tesla enthusiasts are already lining up to preorder (with $100 deposits, naturally), skeptics have taken to social media to ask whether a smaller Cybertruck really solves any problems. “It’s like someone looked at a dystopian nightmare and said, ‘Can we make it…cuter?’” tweeted one user.

On the flip side, influencers are already praising its “aesthetic potential.” One TikToker gushed, “It’s the perfect vibe for my desert photoshoots. Who cares if it only gets 120 miles per charge?”

Parking Wars: Coming Soon

City officials in major metros are reportedly bracing for chaos as the Mini Cybertruck threatens to redefine what qualifies as “compact.” “We’re going to have to rewrite the parking laws,” said one flustered Los Angeles city planner. “Does this thing even fit in a regular spot? Or does it require its own zip code?”