Every move you fake

I used to work with a guy who was a notorious cheater on the golf course – we’d all just laugh. In honor of Sting’s birthday, here is a golf cheater version of “Every Breath You Take.”

“Every Move You Fake”

Early tee time, morning dew,
I’ve got my eyes fixed on you,
You say you’re playing by the rules,
But those little tricks? They’re old school.

I see you nudging, just a bit,
That ball in the sand pit,
Behind the tree? Oh, what a surprise!
Now it’s on the fairway, what a nice “find”.

Every move you fake,
Every ball you “mistake”,
Every putt, every stake,
I’ll be watching you.

You’re in the rough, oh what a shame,
But then a miracle, what a game!
Suddenly you’re in the clear,
Better have another beer

On the green, you mark your spot,
But is it closer? I think it’s not!
“Breakfast ball!” once again you call,
It’s lunchtime now, after all.

Every stroke you take,
Every “oops” you make,
Every score, every flake,
I’ll be watching you.

Oh, can’t you play,
A fair game today?
Your antics, they show,
In shadows they grow.

I love the sport, the game, the thrill,
But with every trick, the charm does kill,
Play it straight, keep it real,
For in honesty, there’s a better feel.

Every move you fake,
Every rule you break,
Every sigh, every shake,
I’ll be watching you.

As we tally scores at day’s end,
I wonder if you’ll ever mend,
Golf is fun, with cheats or none,
But true victory is when it’s fairly won.