Golden State Warriors Load Up Talent in Response to LeBron Coming to LA

The Golden State Warriors ain’t fooling around. Within days of LeBron James announcing he will be coming to the LA Lakers, the Warriors signed four-time all-star DeMarcus Cousins to a 1-year, $5.3 million deal.

Warriors head coach Steve Kerr confirmed the deal in a press conference yesterday. “The Warriors are excited to have DeMarcus on board in our quest for another championship.” Asked if signing Cousins was a response to LeBron James going to the LA Lakers, Steve Kerr said, “This deal was in the works long before LeBron made his move. We make the best decision for our team and don’t worry about what the competition does.”

Kerr announced a number of other signings for the 2018-2019 season. President Trump will be playing small forward, valued for his ability of “trash talking” opponents according to Kerr.

Johnny Storm, also known as “The Human Torch,” signed a 2-year deal on loan from Marvel Comics. “Johnny has the ability to heat up games very quickly, and, if need be, he can melt an opponent’s basket to cut down on their scoring.”

Ariana Grande is taking a leave of absence from her singing career to play with Warriors as well. “Ariana is the new Mariah,” said Kerr. “She can induce painful earaches in other teams when she hits those high notes. Our guys will have special earplugs ready to go.”