How to recognize a real banana republic

I often hear “it’s like we are living in a banana republic” when a politician is tried for crimes. But I don’t think most people know what a real banana republic is like. Here are five characteristics:

Lunar Farming

The nation’s bananas are so unique and sought after because they are grown not just under the sun but also under the light of specific moon phases. Moonlit banana farming is a treasured secret passed down for generations, which gives the bananas a luminescent glow and a moon-touched flavor.

Banana Currency

Instead of traditional paper or coin money, the economy operates on a currency made of specially preserved banana slices. The more ripe the slice, the higher its value. This has led to unique wallet designs and even banana banks where slices are kept in climate-controlled vaults.

Aerial Delivery

Instead of trucks or ships, bananas are transported and delivered by giant trained toucans. These toucans are raised from birth by the nation’s Banana Aviators Guild and are treasured for their efficiency and loyalty.

Banana Festivals

Every year, there’s a grand Banana Masquerade Ball where citizens come dressed in elaborate banana-themed outfits. The highlight is the crowning of the Banana Monarch, who rules the festivities and gets the first pick of the harvest.

Protective Banana Golems

To safeguard their precious plantations, the republic has cultivated large banana golems, animated statues made from dried banana leaves and pulp. These golems patrol the fields at night, warding off pests and ensuring a bountiful harvest.