I can see you are doing your best, bless your heart

Lady from the South at the grocery store: Sir, your cart is in the way, it’s all cattywompus.

Me: Catty who?

Lady: Are you squiffy this mornin’, child?

Me: Say what?

Lady: You’re just messin’ and gommin’ over here, son.

Me: Huh?

Lady: Look at you grinnin’ at me like a possum eatin’ a sweet tater. I
don’t think your biscuit is quite done in the middle.

Me: Biscuits are aisle 4.

Lady: A smart boy, are we? I’ll knock you into the middle of next week looking both ways for Sunday!

Me: Today is Saturday.

Lady: Can we call your mama? Because I bet you aren’t like the rest of the family, are you? I mean, she did the best she could, God love her.

Me: She’s dead.

Lady: Well, rest her soul for having to raise some like you as useful as a gas station tanning bed. Good day, sir.