If you’re over the age of 5 and still drink milk with dinner, you need to reevaluate your life choices

The Twitterverse was rocked today by the revelation that one of its most notorious personalities, @FuryFrenzyStorm, was in fact a complete fabrication. The account, which boasted over 100,000 followers and regularly posted inflammatory tweets about seemingly innocuous topics, was discovered to have been the work of a single person operating under a pseudonym.

The truth about @FuryFrenzyStorm began to come to light when several of the account’s followers started to question the legitimacy of the tweets. “At first I was really into it,” said 27-year-old Jesse Matthews. “I loved the way @FuryFrenzyStorm would get incensed about the smallest things, like whether or not you should put ketchup in the fridge. But then I started to wonder if maybe it was all just an act.”

Matthews’ suspicions were confirmed when he started to dig into @FuryFrenzyStorm’s past tweets and discovered that many of the supposedly controversial opinions were actually quite common.

“I mean, who doesn’t think slow drivers should get out of the left lane?” Matthews added. “It was like @FuryFrenzyStorm was intentionally trying to rile people up over nothing.”

Other followers soon began to voice similar concerns, and it wasn’t long before the mainstream media caught wind of the controversy. News outlets across the country began investigating @FuryFrenzyStorm’s background, trying to uncover the truth behind the provocative tweets.

What they found was shocking. @FuryFrenzyStorm, it turned out, was not a real person at all. Instead, the account had been created by a social media strategist named Amanda Phillips, who had been hired by a marketing firm to boost their client’s social media presence.

Phillipski, who had worked in social media for years, had initially been tasked with coming up with a way to get people talking about her client’s brand. When she hit upon the idea of creating a fake Twitter persona that would post supposedly controversial opinions about ordinary things.

Here are five examples of the tweets:

“Who cares about gluten intolerance? Just eat a sandwich like a normal person!”

“Can we please stop acting like cats are the greatest thing ever? They’re just furry jerks.”

“Why bother recycling? It’s not like it’s actually making a difference.”

“Baseball is so boring. I don’t get why people act like it’s America’s pastime.”

“Jazz music is just noise. Give me some real tunes any day.”

Phillipski was initially hesitant about the idea, worried that it might backfire and cause a PR disaster for her client. But her bosses were eager to try anything that might give them an edge in an increasingly crowded marketplace, so Phillipski went ahead with the plan.

To her surprise, the @FuryFrenzyStorm account took off almost immediately. People loved the idea of a Twitter personality who would get angry about the smallest things, and the account quickly amassed a following of thousands. Phillipski was thrilled with the results but after a while, people complained and the account was deleted.

Phillipski explained, “I got the idea from this guy I went to university with. He would set in the dining hall and angrily rant about the most mundane things. One time he ranted for ten minutes about how annoying it is when people don’t push their chairs in after getting up from the table. I thought, ‘what if we could bottle that kind of rage and turn it into a social media account?’ And that’s how @FuryFrenzyStorm was born.”

But as the account’s popularity grew, so too did the pressure on Phillipski to keep coming up with new and more outrageous tweets. “It was exhausting,” she said. “Every day I had to think of something new to be angry about, and it had to be something that would get people talking. It was like I was competing with myself to see how far I could push things.”

Eventually, Phillipski began to feel guilty about the whole thing. “I realized that I was just manipulating people’s emotions for the sake of getting more followers,” she said. “It didn’t feel right.” But she didn’t feel guilty for too long because one day she tried to log on and found out the Twitter gods had sent down a lightning bolt and vaporized her account.