I’m sorry to admit I have been greenwashing

I’m sorry to admit that, like some big corporations, I have been greenwashing.

In my case, I clean my pasty white self with a body wash made of 4-leaf clovers, Jolly Green Giant green beans, lawn grass clippings, grasshoppers, mint ice cream, leprechaun dreams, dollar bills, wasabi, seaweed, peas, ivy vines, holly, guacomole, Christmas tree needles, frog legs, cucumbers, green peppers, and algae strained through a 1985 Philadelphia Eagles jersey worn by Randall Cunningham.