Entertainment

It’s not a list. It’s a countdown. It’s a blueprint.

Tom Cruise has an expository type of speech somewhere in MI: Rogue Nation that belies his boredom with the franchise. Something like:

(Delivered mid-sprint on a rooftop for no reason)

“You think this is just a file? You think what’s on this drive is a list of names?

It’s not a list. It’s a countdown. It’s a blueprint. It’s a goddamn manifesto of annihilation with footnotes.

Every name on here is someone who used to exist. Every city listed has already had its future sold to the highest bidder. And the people buying? They don’t want to win.

They want to delete the concept of winning.

So yeah. We need to decrypt it. And yeah, it’s got 128-bit AES encryption buried inside a quantum-lattice firewall on a ghost server in Jakarta, but we’ve cracked harder things.

Remember Morocco? I cracked a dead man’s retina pattern with a reflection off a soup spoon.

We’re IMF. We do the impossible.

So get me a satellite phone, a decoy passport, and a shot of adrenaline to the chest.

Because I’ve got 15 minutes to outrun a drone, reboot a continent, and explain all of this again with even more intensity.”

Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.