Letter of Paul to the Alaskans

I, Paul, having walked through your lands, extend to you my condolences. Never have I ever, in all of my travels from Galilee to Brooklyn, come upon a terrain so rough as this. My beloved friends advised me never to travel to the Alaskan lands from September through June for the temperatures are not suited for walking in sandals. But I persisted for my comfort is not but a trifle — I am here to spread the Good Word. However, and if I may be so bold, it would not do anyone harm if I don a pair of warm boots for my adventures from Juneau to Anchorage and beyond.

For the Lord had no mention of warm walking boots in his teachings, but may I be so humble to suggest that if he had, he would have made them available to the faithful throughout the Northern lands. And so it is with humility and grace that I walked into the hunting and fishing Superstore and was fitted rightly with warm boots and a hat with with sides that buckle under my chin. I doffed my cloth robe garment for a new one made from imitation seal skin. And tomorrow I walk the long road to Prudhoe Bay where I will fish for my dinner and build a fire on the banks of the majestic waters.