Local Woman Breaks New Year’s Resolutions by Noon on New Year’s Day

In the waning days of 2018, a local woman refined her list of top 10 New Year’s resolutions. Within only four hours of waking up on January 1, 2019, she had broken half of them.

“I don’t know what happened,” she explained to a gaggle of reporters outside her home, “I woke up and walked into the kitchen. Before I knew it, I had finished off three doughnuts with my coffee. Then I started watching the Rose Parade and completely forgot to go out for my 1 mile walk.”

After eating the doughnuts and forgetting the walk, the lady swore loudly and tossed a book she meant to read across the room where it landed in the roaring fire. The commotion scared her dog who knocked over and broke a guitar her husband gave her as a Christmas present for the playing lessons she planned to start the next day.