Locked up at Target

Target recently improved their quarterly results largely due to massive efforts to curb theft, including locking up more of the shelves than ever before. I wrote this comedy jazz song that takes that idea to ridiculous extremes. #comedysong #target #theft #shoplifting

“Locked Up at Target”

Verse 1: I walked into Target, just a normal day,
Lookin’ for bananas, in my usual way,
But what did I see? To my surprise,
Those yellow beauties locked up tight behind glassy eyes.

Chorus: Locked up at Target, can’t get what I need,
Everything’s in cases, behind a key, indeed.
From the water fountain to the gumball stand,
It’s a retail prison, in this consumer land.

Verse 2: Tried to grab a drink, just a little H2O,
But there’s a keypad now, and a code I don’t know.
Wanted just a taste from the sample tray,
But it’s locked up tight, no free cheese today!

Chorus: Locked up at Target, can’t get what I need,
Everything’s in cases, behind a key, indeed.
From the water fountain to the gumball stand,
It’s a retail prison, in this consumer land.

Bridge: Oh, the napkin’s under lock and key,
A footlong sandwich is the price for me.
Magazines with combo locks, what’s next?
Maybe they’ll lock up the checkout text.

Verse 3: Gumballs in a cage, each one behind bars,
It’s like I’m shopping in a store on Mars.
Wanted a quick read, just a magazine or two,
But I needed a safecracker to get a clue.

Chorus: Locked up at Target, can’t get what I need,
Everything’s in cases, behind a key, indeed.
From the water fountain to the gumball stand,
It’s a retail prison, in this consumer land.

Outro: So I left with my bottle, all sealed up tight,
Didn’t get much, but oh, what a sight.
Next time I’ll shop, in a simpler place,
Where bananas and napkins aren’t a high-security case.

Tag: Locked up at Target, it’s a curious spree,
Where even my thoughts might need a key!