Mission Impossible — Fallout Review

Let’s cut to it. You have to go see this film.

I haven’t seen it yet, in fact I haven’t see most of the films I review. I don’t have that kind of time. Plus I don’t want the film itself to influence my opinion. I want to come at it with fresh eyes and a clear mind. Seeing the movie would only cloud my judgement.

This is a sequel to “Mission Impossible – Rogue Nation.” That movie featured a nation of rogues bent on doing dastardly things to the world like drink too much before soccer matches, complain loudly about Brexit in pubs and say things like “Walkies!” when taking the dog out for a stroll.

Like my insightful reviews, “Fallout” gets right to the action. There is a group of Apostles who are hell bent on doing dastardly things like eating bread it is not gluten-free. What do you mean, gluten only really affects people who are gluten intolerant? Don’t you realize you are going against one of the biggest eating and nutrition trends in the last five years. Gosh, only heathens eat bread with gluten, Eric!

Anyway, the Apostles have someone on the “inside” working against the good guys. How do these “insiders” get “inside.” Isn’t it apparent they are up to no good when they are caught walking around taking pictures of peoples documents with tiny spy cameras?

Tom Cruise is also trying to keep a guy named John Lark from buying some plutonium. Plutinium is a funny word that sounds like an ingredient in your favorite soda drink: ‘Ingredients: Oat, sugar, corn syrup, triptassium phosphate, mixed tocopherols, and plutonium.” Keeps you glowing all day.

Tom Cruise needs a sidekick so the producers call up Henry Cavill to assist. Henry is well known as Superman in several movies including “Batman vs. Superman” and “Justice League.” They considered casting him as Superman in “Fallout” as well, making Tom Cruise the sidekick—the hook was that Cruise would appear as “Superboy,” who has his own TV series of that name from 1988-1992. In one episode, Superboy discovers the real meaning behind the “H.W.” in President H.W.Bush’s name. It’s not “Herbert Walker,” rather it means “Hip Whiteguy,” a rap name he used on several experimental albums.

Sorry, I have to go get my teeth cleaned. Let’s stop there for now. Just go see “Mission Impossible — Fallout.” I look forward to your review.