New PGA President Suzy Whaley Orders Golf Holes Widened to Six and a Half Feet

New PGA President Suzy Whaley wasted no time in making changes to professional golf. As soon as she was declared the new president, she immediately ordered all golf holes on tour be widened to six and a half feet.

“Unless Tiger is in the hunt, no one watches golf anymore,” she explained. “It’s too slow, too boring. By making the holes more than six feet wide, we’ll speed up the game and bring excitement back. Fans love it when they see golf stars hole a putt from off the green. This new setup will increase those chances dramatically.”

Whaley was hired for her innovative outlook and strong marketing background. “Later this year we are introducing another change,” she said. “Players will have the option to tap a fan on the shoulder outside the ropes and bring them on the playing area to take their shot. Maybe they are tired, maybe they can’t decide what club to play. Now they can get help from local fans who often know the course better than they do.”