NYPD’s New Hover Police Cars Grounded Due to Excess Donut Consumption by Officers

NEW YORK CITY – In a turn of events that has left city officials red-faced, the New York Police Department’s (NYPD) brand-new fleet of hover police cars has been temporarily grounded. The reason? An unforeseen “Donut Dilemma.”

Last month, the NYPD proudly unveiled its state-of-the-art hover police cars, touting them as the future of urban law enforcement. These vehicles, designed to levitate a few feet above the ground, promised to revolutionize police response times by avoiding the notorious New York traffic.

However, during initial test flights this week, technicians noticed a recurring issue: the hover cars struggled to achieve and maintain their designated altitude. After ruling out mechanical and software issues, investigators identified an unexpected variable – the collective weight of the officers.

“It seems we didn’t account for the… um, ‘enthusiastic’ participation of our officers in supporting the local donut economy,” admitted NYPD spokesperson, Officer Joe Glaze. “Officers spent $337 million on donuts, donut holes, krullers, and bagels in July of 2023 alone.”

The massive donut intake has had unintended consequences for the hover car program. “We’re working closely with the vehicle manufacturers to recalibrate the hover systems,” said Officer Glaze. “In the meantime, we’ve also initiated a department-wide fitness challenge.”

Local donut shops have expressed their support for the NYPD during this “weighty” issue. Benny’s Donuts even introduced a new “Light as Air” donut, which they claim has “zero gravity calories.”

As the NYPD works to get its hover cars off the ground, New Yorkers are taking the news in stride. “Only in New York,” laughed resident Jenny Creamfill.

The NYPD remains optimistic that the hover cars will be patrolling the skies soon. Until then, officers are encouraged to enjoy their donuts in moderation.