Ohio State football team to field marching band on defense against Michigan from now on

Urban Meyer, coach of the Ohio State Buckeyes football team, announced today that he would be fielding the Ohio State Marching Band on defense against Michigan from now on.

“I’ve decided to use band members on defense from now on to make the OSU-Michigan rivalry more even,” he explained as team members showered him in champagne after a dominating win 62-39 today.

“For safety, we’ll train band members in basic tackling and football concepts, but I don’t think anyone has a chance of getting hurt out there.”