Oscar Wild roasts ten neighborhoods in Oklahoma City

Explore the cultural tapestry of Oklahoma City – or as Oscar Wilde might have called it, “that peculiar assemblage of architectural desperation where the wind comes sweeping down to escape the view.”

Heritage Hills

Darling, if pretension were architecture, these homeowners would have built the Tower of Babel. Instead, they’ve settled for what can only be described as a collection of houses desperately trying to convince themselves they’re in New England, while their oil-money pedigrees leak through the foundations like last season’s scandal.

Deep Deuce

How tragically amusing that the neighborhood which once hosted the likes of Charlie Christian and Jimmy Rushing has been transformed into what appears to be an HGTV fever dream. The ghost of every jazz musician who ever played here is rolling their eyes at the yoga studios, though I suppose spiritual emptiness must find its expression somewhere.

Bricktown

My dear, they’ve managed to create a carnival of mediocrity that makes Coney Island look like the Gardens of Versailles. It’s as if someone read about urban renewal in a magazine while sitting in a chain restaurant and thought, “Yes, that’s exactly what we need – more chain restaurants, but with brick.”

The Paseo

The artist district, where every other building seems to be suffering from an identity crisis. It’s rather like watching a middle-aged banker attempt interpretive dance – enthusiastic certainly, but perhaps missing the point entirely.

Plaza District

How delightful to see gentrification wearing its Sunday best! The true art here isn’t hanging in galleries but in watching young professionals convince themselves that paying $8 for coffee somehow makes them more sophisticated than their suburban parents.

Automobile Alley

They’ve taken what was once a row of car dealerships and transformed it into… well, a slightly more expensive row of buildings that wish they were car dealerships. The irony of people now paying premium rates to live where they once haggled over Ford Model Ts is simply delicious.

Film Row

My word, they’ve preserved all the architectural charm of the 1920s film industry while removing anything that might actually be interesting about it. Rather like meeting an aging starlet who’s had too much work done – you can sense what it once was, but now it’s just trying too hard.

Midtown

Watching young urbanites navigate between medical complexes and cocktail bars is rather like observing a debutante ball in a hospital waiting room – technically possible but fundamentally absurd.

Uptown

The desperate attempt to convince everyone that 23rd Street is actually Manhattan’s Upper West Side is perhaps the most entertaining piece of theater in the city. The buildings seem to be standing on tiptoe, hoping to catch a glimpse of something more cosmopolitan.

Asian District

The only neighborhood honest enough to admit it’s not trying to be something else, which naturally makes it the most authentic thing in the city. Though I must say, watching suburban families attempt to use chopsticks here is rather like watching a penguin attempt ballet – technically admirable but fundamentally misguided.