Outdated laws still on the books for some reason in Omaha

Let’s explore some old laws that Omaha might have forgotten to erase from its legal ledgers:

“Any squirrel seen loitering in public parks with more than three acorns shall be considered suspicious of hoarding and subjected to immediate nut confiscation.” This law, reportedly enacted after the Great Acorn Shortage of 1892, was meant to prevent overly ambitious squirrels from monopolizing the acorn market.

“It shall be unlawful to twirl one’s mustache in a menacing manner while in the vicinity of a public thoroughfare.” Inspired by a particularly dramatic mayoral race in 1904, where candidates intimidated each other with aggressive mustache-twirling, this law sought to curb follicular threats to public safety.

“No citizen shall engage in betting on the precise time of snowfall under penalty of having to shovel the mayor’s driveway.” Established during a particularly unpredictable winter in 1920, this law aimed to deter the rampant gambling on weather phenomena, which often led to heated arguments and frosty relations among neighbors.

“Carriages traversing the streets past midnight must affix rubber shoes to their horses’ hooves to prevent sleep disturbances.” In response to the 19th-century version of noise pollution, this law was meant to ensure that the only things disturbed after dark were the stars.

“All pickles sold within city limits must bounce when dropped from a height of one foot, proving their crispness.” Apparently, a bad batch of soggy pickles in 1933 led to this culinary quality control measure, ensuring that Omahans would never again suffer the indignity of a limp pickle.

“No person shall serenade their sweetheart with a songbird on Sundays.” A rather specific law, believed to have been passed after a particularly tone-deaf citizen and his equally off-key parrot ruined multiple Sunday mornings in 1911.

“It is illegal to throw a bagel at a duck in public parks.” Stemming from an incident in 1937 involving a rogue bagel, a disgruntled duck, and a very confused park ranger.

“Dispensing blue gumballs from public vending machines is prohibited on Wednesdays.” A law rumored to have originated from a peculiar superstition held by an influential city council member in the 1950s.

“House cats must wear tiny bell collars after sunset to alert unsuspecting pedestrians.” This was supposedly enacted after the “Night of a Thousand Meows” in 1944, a peculiar event that left many Omahans believing in ghostly felines.

“Pie-eating contests are forbidden to commence before noon.” Apparently, a pie-eating competition in 1922 started at dawn, resulting in a city-wide shortage of whipped cream and unhappy breakfast-goers.

“Cucumbers may not be sold or traded on Sundays.” Believed to be linked to a misunderstood sermon in 1898 where cucumbers were erroneously equated with slothfulness.

“Umbrellas must be closed and secured when indoors.” This followed a series of slapstick-like accidents in 1910, involving open umbrellas, indoor wind gusts, and several top-hatted gentlemen.

“Releasing more than ten balloons into the sky at any one time is considered an air traffic hazard.” Introduced after the infamous “Balloon Bungle of 1955,” where a local celebration nearly redirected an incoming flight.

“Wearing sunglasses indoors is prohibited unless one can prove a medical necessity.” A 1960s law, rumored to target hipsters and beatniks who were deemed ‘too cool for school’.

“Riding a carousel backwards is punishable by being banned from the ride for one full lunar cycle.” This odd rule followed a dizzying event in 1933, where rebellious youth tried to ‘time travel’ by riding the carousel in reverse.

“Pretzels must not be twisted into any shape other than the traditional pretzel knot.” A rule from 1947, after an avant-garde baker started a trend of creating pretzels in scandalous shapes, causing a stir at the state fair.