Parking in Nashville is like beating yourself over the head with a frying pan

Trying to find a parking spot at a mall in Nashville is like playing musical chairs, except the music is car horns and the chairs are taken by compact cars that trick you from a distance.

I tried to get a self-driving car to solve my Nashville parking woes. Now it just drives around all day texting me, ‘Still looking, be home soon.’

Finding a parking spot in Nashville is like finding your dog who ran away. You are full of joy even though you are 13 miles away.

Staying too long in a parking space is like winter in New York City. Eventually you are going to be wearing boots.

Parking in Nashville is so tough, even country songs won’t touch the subject. Can you imagine? “I lost my girl, my dog, and my parking spot on Broadway.” Just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

I told my friend I found free parking in The Gulch. He looked at me like I said I found Elvis sharing a hot chicken sandwich with Dolly Parton at Hattie B’s.

Parking in East Nashville is so complicated, you need a Ph.D. in Urban Planning and a spirit guide. By the time you understand the parking signs, your car’s been towed, and your spirit guide’s taken up drinking.

In Nashville, parking meters are more high maintenance than a country diva. “Oh, you’re 5 minutes late? That’ll be $50 and the keys to your firstborn’s tricycle!”

Parking in 12 South is such a workout; you don’t need to go to the gym. You park a mile away, hike through artisanal coffee fog, dodge scooters, and by the time you get to the store, you’ve completed a 5K.

Nashville’s so hipster, even the parking spots are ironic. You’ll find a “Compact Cars Only” sign taking up two spaces, right next to a pickup truck with a “Save the Earth” bumper sticker.

Vanderbilt students have it tough. Between textbooks, tuition, and parking, they’ll owe more than the federal deficit by graduation. At least with student loans, you get a grace period; parking enforcement gives you grace milliseconds.

Nashville parking is such a gamble, the Tennessee Lottery is considering making it their next game. “Match three parking fines and win a free tow!”

They say Music Row is where songs come to life. It’s also where your parking dreams come to die. You’ll find more open slots in a sold-out Ryman Auditorium than on the Row during CMA week.