Peegency! Peegency!

Ever have a peegency? A peegency is my word for a pee emergency.

And I had a capital ‘P’ Peegency.

It was this morning in Athens, Ohio and I saw a McDonald’s down Richland Ave. Were they even open for inside dining?

I screeched to a sliding, FBI-style stop in the parking lot and walked quickly inside.

I grew up in Canada so I’m used to walking on ice, but the newly mopped floor was suuupperr slippery. My internal peegency alarm was at full volume now and I started to panic. Would I make it?

I banged the door open and found the nearest urinal which was situated in a mini-alcove. I kind of did a panic shuffle with my feet but managed to beat the clock and begin the process.

That’s when my feet began to slowly spread apart on the icy-slick floors. What did they mop it with, axle grease and hair gel?

But I had to stay with the Prime Mission. I couldn’t abandon my main goal AND keep my feet from moving away from each other like Tectonic plates.

As my feet slid, my entire body lowered. They also picked up speed. My leg strength gave way to physics, my feet finally banging into the side walls of the mini- alcove.

Now I was spread out like I was in a mid-air leap to the back of a horse in a slapstick Western movie, but still focused on the Prime Mission in full operation.

The problem was now I was actually below the front edge of the target area and had to aim skyward, like a broken section of the Trevi fountain that was cut from the scenes in Roman Holiday.

With the Prime Mission accomplished I held on to the plumbing and pulled myself up, legs shaking, washed my hands and got some coffee for the ride back to Columbus.