Pulled over for football crimes in Ohio

Got pulled over today. I asked the officer, “What did I do wrong, officer?”

He sighed, tipped his sunglasses down, and said, “I see the Browns sticker.”

I nodded. “Yes, sir.”

He leaned in. “Your crime is sticking with them every year no matter what. Are you insane? Through trading up for Johnny Manziel. Through watching Brandon Weeden get trapped under the American flag. Through the Freddie Kitchens experiment, which, frankly, violated the Geneva Conventions. Through whatever that Hue Jackson ‘building something special’ era was supposed to be. And the… the Deshaun Watson situation — I don’t even have the words.”

He stared at me for a beat and said, “I’m letting you off with a warning. But son… consider therapy.”

And then he walked away, pulled around me and took off.

The back of his cruiser had a sticker: “Go Jets!”