Research Breakthrough Reveals Brain Wave Patterns While Viewing Ohio State Football Games Are Same As Eating Bratwurst While Having Sex

New research out of Ohio State University shows viewer brain wave patterns while watching Ohio State football games is exactly the same as eating bratwurst while having sex. The study looked at the brain waves of 37,548 Buckeye football fans and compared them to brain activity during other activities.

“To our amazement, the OSU football viewing brain waves exactly matched those of the same person eating bratwurst while having sex,” Dr. Richard Imnotsuremyelf told reporters. “It’s unusual to find close matches, but to have an exact hit is almost statistically impossible. This is probably only possible among Ohio State fans who love bratwurst and physical affection. It’s why they are always hugging each other and talking about their favorite brat brands.”

Local retailers were quick to jump on the publicity and controversy surrounding the research. The area’s largest grocery chain, Big Moose, offered a “Love and Brats on A Football Afternoon” package that included roses, chocolates and a 36-pack of their best-selling bratwurst.

Tailgaters at OSU home games were amused by the findings. “I don’t agree with this. Where did they get this research?” said Tommy Givemeanother from Chillicothe. “If I had to choose between my wife and a case of bratwurst, well, it’s no contest. I love my wife, but she can move to Indiana during football season and come back after the Rose Bowl game. For me, it’s brats, brats, brats.”