Salads Lose Weight By Eating Salad

I don’t know how they didn’t think of this before, but researchers have found that salads can lose weight by eating salad. The discovery has wide-ranging implications for the food and fitness industries.

I talked with Simple Ballo, the government researcher who made the discovery. “It makes total sense when you think about it,” said Ms. Ballo. “Salads are like the rest of us. They need good nutrition, but they also want to lose weight and look good on the beach in the summer. Eating more salad just makes sense.”

Ms. Ballo said of 100 salads in the study, 75 were able to lose weight by adding more salad to their daily diet, without increasing their exercise output. “Salads are inherently lazy,” she said. “Especially kale. My goodness, kale does nothing all day long.”