Something from nothing

Some say science is wrong about the Big Bang because “something cannot come from nothing.” But think about that time you borrowed your Dad’s car for a night out with your friends. You ended up driving to Myrtle Beach which was 500 miles away. In the morning, he wanted to know why the odometer had 1000 extra miles on it. You calmly created something from nothing — a tall tale made up off the top your head and, somehow, he bought it.

It went something like this: “Yeah, 1000 miles. About that. This is wild, Dad. What happened was that an alien ship hovered above us as we drove back from the Righteous Pirate bar. After a few moments it beamed us aboard. ‘Where are you going?’ the head alien demanded. ‘We are going to play pool at Pocket Rockets pool hall.’ I answered. Are you any good?’ he retorted. I said, ‘I can beat you.’

“And the game was on! Four aliens took on the four of us in a nine-ball death match game. It came down to the last ball in the last game. My buddy Laser Larry — we call him that because his dad owns the Laser Tag Experience down by the beach — could win it all with one shot.

“He steadied himself, cue stick trembling ever so slightly in his grip. The whole pool hall went quiet. All eyes were on him. The aliens were chattering away in their extraterrestrial language, and I could tell that they were getting restless. They didn’t like to wait.

“Time seemed to stand still, and then Larry swung the cue stick back and took the shot. The cue ball rolled across the table, hit the side rail, and then bounced off another ball before heading straight for the 8-ball ball. It looked like it was going to miss by a hair’s breadth, but at the last moment, it took a gentle turn, nudged the 8-ball and it sank into the pocket.

“The aliens let out a roar of disappointment, but then they started to chuckle. ‘You humans are quite an amusing species,’ said the head alien.

“They beamed us back down but now we were all twisted around and didn’t know which way to go back home. I asked a mysterious woman at the gas station how to get home and she said if I drank her secret potion would we know the answer. She charged me $35 and I drank it down.

“Suddenly, the world shifted and warped around us. The gas station disappeared, and the road stretched out before us like a shimmering ribbon. We were moving, but not in any way I could explain. Larry and my other friends were shouting and laughing, but I couldn’t hear them over the sound of colors and shapes swirling around us.

“Then, just as suddenly as it started, it ended. We were still driving down the road to my house, but everything was different. The sky was purple and the trees glowed like they were alive. And then we saw her – the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on. She had long red hair and eyes like emeralds. She told us that we had been chosen to protect the universe from an evil force that threatened to destroy it all.

“We didn’t know what to do, but she gave us each a weapon forged from the very core of a star and told us that we must travel to different planets in order to gather the knowledge of the Infinites, an ancient tribe of wise men sent by the Order to keep humans on the path of righteousness.

“But we got lost anyway and it took a while to find our way home by following the empty beer cans Larry threw out the window on the way down. We picked those up and here we are.”

My dad stared at me for a long time, as if I had undergone brain surgery and they removed it completely.

“Did you put gas in the car?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Not one word of this to your mother.”