Maple Leafs Fan Says He’ll Marry His Girlfriend When They Win The Cup
It could be a long wait.
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Joe Ditzel
Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems
Canada
Lord Stanley and the Cheerleaders
It was 610am in the morning and cold. OK, maybe not for you but for us 38 degrees is like an ice age.
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God, CANADA
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter to God, CANADA, they decided to send it to the Prime Minister. The Prime Minister was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The Prime Minister thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:
“Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through OTTAWA, CANADA and those jerks deducted $95.00 in taxes.”
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Proud Canadian
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
“Because I am not an American.”
“Then”, asks the teacher, “What are you?”
“I’m a proud Canadian,” boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian.
“Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I’m a Canadian too.”
The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?”
A pause, and a smile. “Then,” says Kristen, “I’d be an American.”
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Press Spin
Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in a park in Toronto, when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
"Young Leafs Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Leafs fan," the little hero replied.
"Sorry, since we are in Toronto, I just assumed you were." said the reporter and starts again,
"Little Jays Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook.
"I'm not a Jays fan either," the boy said. "I assumed everyone in Toronto was either a Leafs or Jays fan.
What team, do you root for?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Montreal Canadiens fan." the child said.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Kid from Montreal Kills Beloved Family Pet."
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Too Young
An American, a Scot and a Canuck were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred opened his eyes! Astonished, the doctors and nurses asked him what happened.
“Well,” said the American, “I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth.”
“I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here.”
“That’s amazing!” said one of the doctors, “But what happened to the other two?”
“Last I saw them,” replied the American, “the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay.”
Period Flush
What if everyone in Canada all flushed at once?
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Dead Man’s Curve
When I was 8 my family moved to Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. I started playing hockey that fall. I loved hockey for its speed and action. But for sheer danger and human drama, hockey paled to the blood-rush I felt when I discovered tobogganing.
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