Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems With Getting Older

Rock superstardom is just a few steps away for you- even after age 50. We do recommend, however that you not wait until 70 to begin the steps.

1. Musical ability is not a pre-requisite but you do need a cool band name. If you are having trouble just combine an animal with a crazy emotion like 'Wolverine Anger.'

2. As the lead singer you also need a cool name. Your best bet is to find a single word name: "Ipecac" or "Subscription" are probably good ones.

3. You must practice your rock star moves with a microphone. This can be done in your living room or the back yard.

4. You need an international hit to break your band. You do not need to write a new song. Just combine beats from established hits and riffs from any old Yardbirds album. If you are sued you can say you are waiting on Medicare approval for your St. John's Wort and forgot that stealing was illegal.

5. Damaging hotel rooms is passѐ. You must damage a whole hotel. Pick a hotel in Eastern Europe and leave the country before you are caught.