Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems
Los Angeles is a good town to practice a foreign language. I try to see how far I can go speaking only Spanish.
I needed a haircut so I walked in one place and sat right in the chair. "Puede cortar mi pelo?" I said. (Can you cut my hair?)
She said, "Amigo, este es una oficina de dentista." (My friend, this is a dentist’s office.)
Read More
I noticed billboard advertisers try to appeal to Angelenos as if we all worked in show business. One bank promoted their abundance of ATM locations with the line “Like Paparazzi to Celebrities. Around Every Corner.”
Read MoreApple Computer’s popular Itunes service has pulled Albert Hammond’s “It Never Rains in Southern California” from the on-line store. Recent thunderstorms throughout the Los Angeles area prompted the action. “At this point in time we felt it best to protect our loyal Southern California customers from this song,” Apple’s Robert Shystberg told a press conference this morning at the Beverly Hilton.
“It is difficult enough to drive on slightly wet pavement, much less listen to this melancholy song that has proven to be inaccurate and does nothing to improve our overall well-being,” L.A. resident Kyle Klopsy told reporters.
Read MoreMany people in LA fit the laid-back Southern California image. Others need to increase their Prozac dosage. Like the guy I accidentally cut off on the freeway once. He was going around 220 M.P.H. when my safe lane change apparently impeded his forward progress. He slowed to within inches of my rear bumper, showing his displeasure by honking wildly and flashing his lights. Ok, ok. I decided to move over to let his highness pass.
Unfortunately, this was at the same time he decided to go around me. So now he thinks I am playing with him and he is really mad. He is so close to me now he’s sitting in the passenger seat. He swings around to the right side and pulls up next to me, weaving back and forth, missing hitting my car by millimeters.
Finally, I said to myself- that’s enough for me! Time to go. I shot past him. He came after me. I exited the freeway and watched him follow me. I headed south along the Pacific Coast Highway. At the first stop light he came up right behind me. All four doors opened. There is more than one guy. There are four.
Oddly, they just stood there yelling at me. I thought they were coming over to club me. The light turned green and I took off. They jumped back in came after me. I weaved in and out of traffic. “Road King” followed as close as he could. I kept looking over my shoulder to see if he was still there. I felt like Maverick in Top Gun, “I’ve got a bogie at seven o’clock!”
I came to a stop at the next light. They pulled up behind me again. The doors opened – they got out again. But again they stood there.
Then I heard it. Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!
They were pelting my car with beer bottles. But, most of the bottles hit my convertible roof and bounced like kids in the bounce house at McDonald’s. I took off when the light changed. They didn’t get back in the car in time. I shot down a side street. See ya.
It never rains in Southern California. Except beer bottles.
Read MoreFame is diluted. It used to be you had to DO something- a skill, a talent- acting, singing, telling jokes, something- that you were famous for. Now you can be famous for being famous. So why don’t we just have awards for just being famous. The Fame Awards. We could have awards for:
Read More“The Jon Lovitz Comedy Club features live stand-up comedy by some of the hottest national headlining comedians. The club’s 3 floors open to a perfect view of the stage and the casual tropical décor makes visitors feel as if they’re on an island vacation. In addition, the club also boasts a state-of-the-art sound and video system, as well as a full bar and gourmet menu. ”
_____________________________________________________________
Source: CityWalkHollyWood.com
http://citywalkhollywood.com/nightspots/jon_lovitz_club.php
A great night at the Downtown Comedy Club with Jimmy Brogan and Carrie Snow. I saw Jimmy at the Comedy Store around 1993 and his act is the exact same and just as funny. I remember seeing Carrie Snow at the Punchline San Francisco in 1995 and you can say the same thing about her. I also loved seeing the USC Professor Paul Blomyer and one-liner artist Barry Weisenberg. Wes Martens mc’d.
Read MorePodcast: Play in new window | Download
I used to live in San Francisco. San Francisco is a walking town. People are serious about walking. The favorite business shoe style for men is black Gucci’s with Vibram soles. Women wear high heels with actual mountain climbing cleats in them. In addition, many people carry walking sticks along with their briefcases. It helps with balance and is useful in poking tourists who stand in your way in small groups bent over maps looking for the Coit Tower.
Read More