The Nun – Movie Review

October 20, 2018 Joe Ditzel

Did they really need to make a horror flick about a nun? Anyone that grew up going to Catholic school plays a recurring movie in their head starring a series of nuns wielding a variety of pain-giving objects like rulers, shoes, straps, boards, nun-chucks, rolling pins, ninja stars, tennis raquets, skis, baseball bats, hockey sticks and band-leader batons.

Oh, they didn’t really mean to be MEAN, it’s just maintaining order, right? Suuuuurreeee. Sister Mary of Everlasting Pain didn’t hide any secret need to inflict harm by flicking you on the forehead with her big thick fingers to get you to pay attention. It’s all YOUR fault.

Well, this my confessional moment. Yes, I admit I threw those BBs on the bus, hid Sister Eleanor’s desk in the girls bathroom, and spray-painted the walls of the locker room with big letters that said, “FREEEEDOMMM!!!!”

I did all those things and for that I’m sorry, but Sister Mary of Everlasting Pain also has some ‘splainin to do. Did she really have to punch me in the gut to where I doubled over, follow it up with an uppercut to my nose, causing it to bleed all over me to the point I looked like I had been in a 35-minute hockey fight with The Rock?

Come to think of it, she probably did have to do it.

Four out of five stars.