The pickleball wars

Karen had just moved into her snug one-story home in a neat suburban neighborhood when, distracted by the bright blue sky and the smell of earth that had been turned for spring planting, she heard a loud POP POP POP. Startled, she stopped mid-step and looked around. It was coming from the other side of the street, where a set of pickleball courts had been set up.

She had heard of pickleball before, of course, but she had no idea it could be so loud. Even from a block away, Karen was amazed at how the pickleball hit the rackets and bounced off, repeating the same POP POP POP pattern. As she walked closer, the noise got even louder. It felt like an assault on her senses.

Standing at the edge of the courts, Karen looked around in dismay. Everywhere she looked there were pickleballers – all ages, sizes, and shapes – engaged in a fierce game of pickleball. The POP POP POP of the balls was incessant and neither player seemed to be winning or losing.

Karen felt her stomach tighten and her heart race as she watched the energetic game. She felt angry and frustrated, and soon her emotions began to boil over. It seemed like no matter how hard she tried, the noise from the pickleball courts was unavoidable.

Had enough

“This is unbearable,” Karen muttered to herself. She was a single, retired woman in her sixties, and the loud, annoying noise of the pickleball courts had infiltrated her life. What was once a tranquil neighborhood was now filled with screeching racket and sparkling balls.

Karen made her way home, her head throbbing with rage. She was determined to find a way to make the noise stop.

Karen knew she wasn’t the only one who was fed up with the racket from the pickleball courts. She started to research online, and soon found out that she wasn’t alone in her frustration. It seemed that pickleball had become wildly popular in the past few years, and the sound of the POP POP POP had become a daily annoyance for the homeowners nearby.

Karen started talking with neighbors around her neighborhood to get a better idea of how widespread the problem was. She was surprised to find out that there were dozens of similar complaints all around the country. People were tired of having their sleep disrupted by the racket from the pickleball courts, and the noise pollution was becoming unbearable.

Taking action

Karen decided to take action. She had already filed a complaint with the city, but that hadn’t done much to help. She decided to start a petition to get the courts relocated, and began organizing a protest in her neighborhood.

Pulling together her neighbors, Karen led a demonstration against the pickleball courts. Neighbors from all over the city joined her in her quest, and soon the movement had spread across the country. Karen was overwhelmed by the response and support she was receiving from people all over the country who were fed up with the noise pollution created by the pickleball courts.

Moved into a submarine

Their stories are heart-wrenching. John from Indianapolis said his family had to sell their house and move into submarine and live below the surface of the water. “We couldn’t take it anymore,” he said with tears in his eyes. “The sound of the pickleballs hitting the rackets was constant and unbearable. We had to take drastic measures to get away from it.”

Alien assistance

Sally from Kansas City told her story: “At first we didn’t mind the pickleballers. We even tried it ourselves. But they started playing 24 hours a day on the courts next to our house. We had to hire some aliens to zap the rude pickleball players. Sure, they would scream when then were hit by the alien ray-gun, but at least we didn’t have to listen to pickleball.”

Frozen assets

Ted from Andover, MA also weighed in. “My wife threatened to divorce me if I didn’t do something. I sprayed the pickleball courts down with water and froze it into ice so the couldn’t stand up. They didn’t care. They just slid around on the ice and continued playing, even louder than before. It was a nightmare.”

Moose attack

In Colorado, Jane hired kids to ride full-grown moose and charge the players. “I had to do something,” she explained. “The noise was driving my family and me crazy. Those pickleballers just wouldn’t stop playing, no matter how many complaints we filed. The moose charges definitely got their attention and made them think twice about playing so loudly.I invited the moose to live in our attic so we can send them out anytime to run after those pesky pickleballers.”

Cheese Louise

Gordon from Orange Grove, FL, said, “These stories from other people make me happy that I’m not alone!” After some brainstorming, Gordon came up with a whimsical plan. He decided to put up giant slabs of American cheese as a sound barrier between his house and the pickleball courts. He believed that the thick and slightly porous nature of the cheese might absorb some of the sound and reduce the noise pollution.

Gordon, determined to reclaim his peaceful retirement, set his plan in motion. He contacted a local dairy farm and explained his unusual request. Surprisingly, they were intrigued by his idea and agreed to provide him with large slabs of American cheese.

Wall of cheese

With the help of some friends from the neighborhood, Gordon strategically placed the cheese slabs along the border of his property, facing the pickleball courts. The sight of the giant cheese walls was amusing to the entire community, and soon everyone was talking about Gordon’s unique solution.

As expected, the cheese walls did have an impact on the noise. While it didn’t completely silence the pickleball games, it did significantly muffle the sound, creating a more tolerable environment for Gordon. The players on the courts found the situation rather amusing, and some even played along with the idea, jokingly calling their matches the “Cheesy Championships.”

As the weeks went by, Gordon’s cheese walls became somewhat of a local attraction. People passing by would take pictures and post them on social media, making Gordon a minor celebrity in the neighborhood.

Cheeseheads

As time passed, the cheese walls that once stood strong began to show signs of wear and tear. Gordon noticed that some of the players, particularly the younger ones, had started to sneakily nibble on the edges of the American cheese slabs during their matches. At first, it was just a playful and innocent act, but as more players caught wind of the cheesy snack opportunity, it became a bit of a trend.

Gordon wasn’t too pleased about this development. He had spent considerable effort and resources to set up the cheese walls, and now they were slowly being eaten away. As the holes in the cheese walls grew larger, the noise from the pickleball courts started to seep back into Gordon’s peaceful abode, disrupting his serene retirement once again.

Air assault

Ferdinand of Phoenix who was also fed up with the pickleballers. He decided to fly his helicopter over the courts and play heavy metal at high volume.

People were taken aback when he saw the helicopter circling above the pickleball courts, blaring out heavy metal music to drown out the POP POP POP of the pickleballs. They were not sure what to make of it at first, but as the volume of the music increased, they could hear the pickleball players yelling in frustration.

The noise from the pickleball courts became almost negligible under the loud music and ferocious drums that shook the air.

As unusual as it was, neighbors couldn’t help but admire how Ferdinand’s solution had worked in silencing the courts. The pickleball players were no match for the thunderous volume of the heavy metal music, and they slowly began to pack up their rackets and leave.

With a satisfied grin on his face, Ferdinand landed his helicopter.

The pickleball wars had begun.