Crazy uber stories: The unwilling wheelman

After the Billy Joel and Stevie Nicks concert in Columbus at the Ohio Bowl in summer of 2023, I gave a ride to an older couple back to their house in New Albany. The long drive gave the man a chance to tell a story he said happened a few years ago to his grandson, also an Uber driver:

David Everhartsky, weary-eyed and hunched over the steering wheel, navigated the streets of the city. The cacophony of honking horns, screeching tires, and cursing pedestrians assaulted his eardrums as he glanced at the Uber app on his phone.

“Pick up at 17th and Broadway,” the app chimed, and David took a deep breath before merging into the frenzy once more. The weight of his past hung heavy on his shoulders, like an invisible yoke that threatened to drag him down. But his family needed him, and so he pressed on.

As he pulled up to the curb, three individuals approached his car. A petite woman with sharp, intelligent eyes behind black-rimmed glasses stood next to a broad-shouldered man with a buzzed haircut and a thousand-yard stare. Behind them, a tall, charismatic man in his late thirties flashed a charming smile.

“Uber for Mara?” David asked hesitantly, studying their faces – each carried their own burden, their own secrets.

“Yup, that’s us,” the woman, Mara, said, her voice cool and guarded. The trio piled into the backseat.

“Alright,” David said, returning his attention to the road. “Where are we headed?”

“Corner of 5th and Elm,” Vince, the charismatic one, answered. The three of them exchanged glances and whispered words.

“Mind if I ask what brings you all together?” David ventured.

“Business,” Leo, the ex-military man.

“Interesting business,” Mara added, a sly grin forming on her lips. “We’re robbing a bank.”

“Haha. I expect a big tip, then,” David said.

“Look, we’re not here to hurt you,” Vince said. “We just need a ride. You get us there, wait for us, and then get us out. Simple.”

“Nothing personal,” Mara chimed in, adjusting her glasses. “It’s just business.”

“Business,” David repeated.

“David, I hope you understand the gravity of this situation,” Mara said, her voice cold and emotionless. She held a smartphone in front of David’s face as he glanced nervously at the screen. There, streaming live on the tiny screen was footage of his family – his wife, Sarah, and their two children playing in the living room of their small apartment.

“Wha- How did you—.”

“Tech wizardry,” Mara said. “I told you, nothing personal.”

“Leave them alone,” David yelled.

“Your family will be just fine as long as you cooperate,” Vince interjected, laying a reassuring hand on David’s shoulder. “Just follow our instructions and do your job, and no harm will come to them.”

“Fine,” he said, glancing back at the screen to catch one last glimpse of his family before Mara pocketed the phone.

“Good man,” Leo said.

As they approached the bank, Mara leaned forward and installed a compact police scanner beneath the dashboard. “Keep an ear on this,” she instructed. “If the cops show up, we need to know right away.”

“Got it,” David said.

“Alright, let’s do this,” Vince said, his charming smile betraying no hint of fear or uncertainty. The trio exited the car, leaving David alone in the driver’s seat, sweat trickling down his temples.

He watched as Mara, Leo, and Vince disappeared into the bank, his heart in his throat. The scanner crackled to life, voices of dispatchers and police officers discussing routine matters. With every passing second, David’s anxiety grew. What if they were caught? What if he was implicated in their crime?

“Come on, come on,” he said.

The scanner’s sudden eruption shattered the silence, a frantic voice cutting through David’s spiraling thoughts. “All units, we have a 10-90 in progress at First National Bank on Main Street! Respond immediately!”

David’s instincts roared to life, his fingers releasing their death grip on the steering wheel and slamming the gearshift into drive. His foot pressed down on the accelerator, the engine roaring.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Mara said, breathless as she tumbled into the back seat with Leo and Vince close behind. The door slammed shut, its finality echoing David’s own sense of doom.

“Drive, David!” Leo barked, his eyes wide. “Get us the hell out of here!”

“Where?!” David said, his words edged with panic as he wove through traffic, narrowly avoiding a collision with a startled pedestrian.

“Anywhere but here!” Vince said, gripping the door handle tightly as the car swerved around a corner.

David’s mind raced, fragments of escape routes and shortcuts threading together.

“Left!” Mara shouted, her voice barely audible above the screeching tires. David jerked the wheel, sending them careening down a side street.

“Are you insane?!” David said. “You’re going to get us all killed!”

“Better than getting caught,” Mara said, her eyes locked on the rearview mirror as if expecting the police to materialize at any moment.

As they sped through alleyways and intersections, David felt a strange resolve settle over him.

“Take the next right,” Vince said, pointing towards an unassuming side street.

“Are you sure?” David said.

“Trust me,” Vince said.

The car screeched around the corner. David’s intimate knowledge of the city’s hidden routes propelled us closer to freedom – or capture.

“Stay on them!” said Leo as he clung to a door handle.

“Doing my best!”

In the rearview mirror, David saw the flashing lights of the police cars that pursued them relentlessly, sirens wailing.

“Turn here!” Mara barked.

David obliged, swerving the car into a narrow alleyway.

“Are you out of your mind?!” Vince yelled, clutching the dashboard as they hurtled forward, but David was unfazed.

“Watch out!” cried Leo, pointing ahead to a bustling marketplace teeming with shoppers. David floored the accelerator, plunging into the chaos headfirst.

“Get out of the way!” Mara screamed as David expertly weaved between the startled pedestrians, narrowly avoiding collisions left and right. The scent of fresh produce and sizzling street food filled the air, punctuated by the cries of shock and disbelief from the crowd.

“Left! Go left!” Vince said. David swerved into opposing traffic. Horns blared and tires screeched as David danced between lanes.

“Up ahead,” Mara said. “Take that alley.”

“Are you sure?”

“Trust me,” Mara said.

The car screeched around the corner, missing parked cars by inches. The sirens wailed behind them. David glanced at Mara; her eyes focused on the road ahead.

“Left, then a sharp right,” she said, her voice steady despite the whirlwind of chaos that surrounded them. The car swerved to comply, tires screeching as they narrowly avoided a collision with a delivery truck.

“Where are we going?” David said.

“Somewhere safe,” Leo said. “Just keep driving.”

“Easy for you to say,” David said under his breath.

“Damn it, they’re still on us!” Vince said, peering out the rear window at the relentless pursuit. “We need to shake them, now!”

“Give me a second,” David said. “Got it.”

Without warning, he veered down an unmarked alley, the car’s engine roaring. The trio exchanged tense glances; the narrow passage lit only by scattered streetlights.

“Are you insane?!” Vince shouted, gripping the door handle so tight that his fingers turned blue.

“Trust me,” David said.

The alley opened into narrow streets. David wove between buildings with ease.

“Turn here,” Mara said suddenly, her eyes locked on something in the distance. “It’s time to leave the city behind.”

“Where are you taking us?” David said.

“Somewhere they’ll never find us.”

“Here’s hoping,” Leo said.

With one final burst of speed, David guided the car onto a dirt road that snaked through rolling hills and disappeared into the night. The sirens began to fade, their wail replaced by the steady hum of the engine.

“Looks like we’ve lost them,” Vince said.

“Never doubted you for a second,” Mara added with a grin.

“Let’s just hope it stays that way,” David said.

The hideout loomed ahead, an old, dilapidated barn nestled among twisted trees, its wood groaning under the weight of years. David pulled up to the entrance, the car’s headlights casting shadows across the cracked facade.

“Guess this is it,” Mara said. “You’ve surpassed all expectations, David.”

“Doesn’t change what you’ve done,” David said, looking at Vince and Leo.

“Fair enough,” Leo admitted, unbuckling his seatbelt. “But we’re letting you go. You can walk away from this.”

“Can I really?” David said sarcastically.

“Take care of yourself, David,” Vince said, offering a stiff nod before exiting the car, followed closely by Mara and Leo.

As the trio disappeared into the darkness of the barn, David found himself alone, the car idling.

“Damn it,” he said.