TSA agents at Cleveland airport discover live turtle in traveler’s pants

CLEVELAND, OH – Transportation Security Administration (TSA) agents at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport had an eventful morning when a routine security screening revealed that a passenger was attempting to smuggle a live turtle… inside his pants.

At approximately 6:47 AM, TSA officers became suspicious when a man passing through the security checkpoint displayed what officials described as an “unusually lumpy silhouette.” When asked if he had anything in his pockets, the man, identified only as “Dennis T.,” reportedly responded, “Define ‘pockets.’”

Agents flagged Dennis for additional screening after an X-ray scan revealed what one officer described as “an unidentified object with four legs and a mild attitude problem” lodged in his sweatpants. Upon a thorough but professional pat-down, TSA agents uncovered a live red-eared slider turtle nestled comfortably in the front of the man’s waistband.

According to witnesses, the turtle appeared “calm but judgmental” as it was extracted.

An Unconvincing Explanation

When questioned, Dennis allegedly provided multiple explanations for the unusual contraband, none of which were particularly convincing.

First, he claimed the turtle was “an emotional support reptile” that helped him deal with the stress of flying. When reminded that emotional support animals require paperwork and are usually limited to small dogs or cats, Dennis quickly pivoted.

“Alright, fine. It’s my good luck charm,” he admitted. “It’s a long flight, and I don’t trust airplanes. But I trust Terry.”

Terry, as the turtle is now affectionately known by TSA agents, did not comment on the matter but did extend his neck in what appeared to be a slow-motion shrug.

A Troubling Trend in Pant-Based Smuggling

TSA agents say this is not the first time travelers have attempted to smuggle live animals through airport security. Past incidents have included:

• A Florida man who tried to wear a snake as a belt.
• A woman in Denver who attempted to conceal three ferrets inside a hoodie.
• An Ohio traveler who infamously claimed he was “pregnant with a guinea pig.”

However, authorities say the turtle-in-the-pants situation is particularly baffling.

“This raises a lot of questions,” said TSA spokesperson Rick Landon. “Most importantly, was he planning to keep the turtle there for the entire flight? And if so, what was the long-term strategy?”

A New Home for Terry

After a brief discussion, TSA officers decided against pressing charges, as the only law the traveler technically broke was “unnecessary reptilian concealment.” Dennis was allowed to rebook his flight—but without Terry.

Instead, Terry has been turned over to a local animal rescue organization, where he will presumably live out his days without having to endure the indignity of being someone’s airport secret.

“I think he’s better off,” said one TSA agent. “Nobody deserves to be stuck in a stranger’s pants at 35,000 feet.”

Meanwhile, Dennis has reportedly vowed to return for his shelled companion. “I’ll be back for you, buddy,” he said, pressing his hand against the glass of Terry’s temporary enclosure. “No one gets left behind.”

Terry responded by blinking very, very slowly.

TSA Reminder

The TSA would like to remind all passengers that live animals should be transported in proper carriers, not in one’s undergarments.

“Just because it fits in your pants doesn’t mean it belongs there,” Landon added. “That’s a rule we thought didn’t need to be stated, but here we are.”