Welcome to BearTender — Swipe right for roaring romance

Ladies, gather ’round! Tired of swiping left on Tinder and Bumble, only to end up on lackluster dates with men who are more interested in their reflection in your wine glass than in you? Fear not, for we have found the ultimate solution: BearTender, the dating app that pairs you with a bear. Yes, an actual bear. Because, apparently, the internet has decided that women would rather face a bear in the woods than endure another agonizing conversation about “crypto investments” and “how many push-ups I can do.”

 Why BearTender?

You might be wondering, why BearTender? Well, the statistics don’t lie. In a recent meme that has taken the internet by storm, women were asked if they would rather encounter a man or a bear while walking through the woods. Spoiler alert: the bear won by a landslide. And really, who can blame them? Let’s break down the advantages.

 The bear essentials

1. No Small Talk: Bears don’t do small talk. You’ll never have to sit through another tedious monologue about your date’s favorite obscure craft beers or the intricacies of his fantasy football league. Bears communicate through growls, grunts, and roars—each one more meaningful than any “What do you do for fun?” ever asked.

2. No Ghosting: Bears don’t ghost; they hibernate. And honestly, a six-month nap sounds like a dream compared to being left on read. At least with a bear, you know exactly where you stand—in a cozy cave, snuggled up for the winter.

3. Impeccable Manners: Bears might seem gruff, but they are surprisingly polite. They won’t chew with their mouths open, talk over you, or check their phones incessantly. Mainly because they don’t have phones. Or apps. Or a concept of manners, but we’re focusing on the positives here.

4. Adventure Guaranteed: Forget bland dinner dates. With a bear, every outing is an adventure. Hiking, fishing, foraging—no more agonizing decisions over which overpriced restaurant to choose. Just pure, unadulterated wilderness fun.

 Profiles worth swiping for

Imagine scrolling through profiles like:

Barry the Grizzly 

– Age: 7 (mature and wise)

– Height: 8 feet (on hind legs)

– Interests: Salmon fishing, hibernating, protecting his territory

Ursula the Black Bear 

– Age: 5

– Height: 6 feet

– Interests: Climbing trees, beekeeping (more like bee-stealing), long walks in the forest

 Real testimonials

Jane, 34, Human Resources: “I never thought I’d find true connection until I met Barry. Sure, he might be a bit too into honey, but at least he doesn’t drone on about his CrossFit routines. Plus, the fur is a bonus during those cold winter nights.”

Alice, 29, Graphic Designer: “I was skeptical at first, but swiping right on BearTender was the best decision of my life. Ursula is fierce, independent, and really knows how to catch a trout. I’ve never felt safer.”

 Safety first

Of course, we understand that dating a bear comes with its own unique set of challenges. That’s why BearTender has a comprehensive safety guide. Tips include:

– Always meet in neutral territory.

– Bring plenty of snacks (fish and berries preferred).

– If the bear roars, it’s not a sign of anger—it’s just how they say hello.

No dull dates

So, ladies, why settle for another dull date with a man who can’t bear the thought of commitment when you can swipe right on a bear who’s ready to hibernate through the winter with you? Join BearTender today, and embrace the wild side of dating. Because sometimes, it’s better to find love in the woods than in the crowded, noisy bars of city life.