When motorcars first arrived in Portland
When motorcars first rumbled through Portland, it was a town where time seemed to stand still, and the people liked it that way. Until, one day, the motorcar arrived, rattling the town’s calm and stirring up a whirlwind of opinions.
1. Eustace Pembrooke, the town’s clockmaker:
“These infernal machines! With every ‘vroom,’ they’re unsettling the delicate gears of my clocks. At this rate, time itself might come undone!”
2. Matilda Featherwhistle, the schoolmarm:
“Such noise! I can’t hear myself think, let alone teach arithmetic. And the children are now drawing these… these abominations instead of the majestic stallions in their art classes!”
3. Jefferson “Jellybean” McAllister, the candy store owner:
“Everyone’s in such a rush now, speeding by in their motorcars. No one has time to savor a good licorice twist or ruminate on a caramel chew. It’s all ‘go, go, go!'”
4. Bertha Plume, the town’s esteemed hat designer:
“With the speed of these contraptions, my meticulously crafted feathered bonnets will be blown away! One cannot be fashionable at such velocities.”
5. Ezekiel Hightower, the livery stable owner:
“They’re a disgrace! Replacing our noble horses with these smoke-belching monsters? A horse has a soul, I tell you. What does a motorcar have? Oil?”
6. Horatio “Whispers” McGraw, the town gossip:
“You didn’t hear it from me, but Mrs. Applegate told Prudence Wilkins that her cat, Mister Whiskers, was nearly run over by one of them horseless carriages. It’s a menace, I tell you!”
7. Loretta Lark, the opera singer:
“I swear, if one more motorcar backfires during my high note, I’m leaving for San Francisco!”
8. Gilbert Goldtooth, the local dentist:
“More speed means more accidents, and that means more chipped teeth! Though… on second thought, this might be good for business.”
9. Clementine O’Dell, the florist:
“Every time one of those loud contraptions passes, my daisies faint dead away! We must think of the flowers!”
10. Marshall “Steady” Thompson, the town’s sheriff:
“In my day, a chase was a horse and a lasso. Now? I’m expected to chase down outlaws in a motorized tin can? What’s this world coming to?”
