Goalies are tough to beat for even the best scorers. Don’t worry, here are 6 ways to beat them and become the goal-scoring machine of your dreams.
A. Insult his mother by calling her a “friend of the working man.”
B. Throw out difficult questions about the square footage of triangular real estate plots to confuse him.
C. Make fun of the holes in his uniform in a sing-song voice.
D. Tell him his sister revealed to you stories about him wearing Depends to school in 6th grade.
E. Get behind the goal Wayne Gretzky-style and remind him he has not seen any increase in his wages for three years adjusted for inflation.
F. Come in for a breakaway, spin left, fart right, move into the fart cloud, and get him coughing and clutching his throat. Flip the puck over his body writhing on the ice.