Crazy Walkers

We need rules for walking–traffic rules of the road for moving around on your feet. Why? Because these crazy people don’t know how to walk with other people and objects around them:

Mr. Elevator-Yeller

They run at any open elevator, knocking people over, yelling at the top of their lungs “HOLD THE ELEVATOR.”

Side-to-Side Guy

Side-to-Side Guy rambles down the sidewalk, often on the phone, drifting from one side of the sidewalk to the other, oblivious of people trying to walk around them.

Must-Pass-You Guy

You are in between Must-Pass-You Guy and the building he wants to enter. He could easily slow his walking pace, drop behind you and other people on the sidewalk, and head into his building. Instead, he speeds up his walk in a dramatic huffing stride, and pulls a hard turn in front of everyone else at the last minute.

Goodbye-Back-Spinner Guy

Goodbye-Back-Spinner Guy gets dropped off from a car onto the sidewalk in front of you. He walks backward facing the car, waving goodbye, oblivious of the people walking past, and then spins around and walks forward in the same direction, unaware of the people crashing into each other so they don’t run into him.

Clogger-Conversationalist Gal

Clogger-Conversationalist Gal stops to do a “meet and greet” with friends or acquaintances right in the middle of the highest traffic areas around town: the entrance to a busy grocery store or restaurant, at the door as church lets out or standing near the doors as people leave work at the end of the day. She clogs these busy areas with no clue she is backing up traffic for blocks.

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.

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