Halfway True Fun Facts About LSU Tigers Football

The Louisiana State University Tigers began competing back in 1893. 1893 was also the year the first automobile was built in the U.S. The very next day the first speed trap was set up. “I was caught going 110 mph, and that’s only because they forgot to build my damn brakes,” said a local.

The Tigers captured National Championships three times–in 1958, 2003 and 2007. They beat Oklahoma in the Sugar Bowl in 2004 to win the BCS National Championship for the 2003 season. They defeated Ohio State 38-24 in New Orleans to capture the 2008 BCS championship for the 2007 season. “The game was right here in dams Louisiana. What do you expect when you got home cooking calling?” said an alumna. “Have you ever tried my momma’s jamabalaya? Lord!”

At the end of the 2013 season, the Tigers had a total of 753 wins, the 11th highest winning percentage of all teams that have played at least 1000 games. “After 1000 games we had 900 pulled hamstrings, 750 ACL injuries and one guy who got a poke in the eye after he tried to pick up a cheerleader from the Mississippi State Bulldogs,” a team physical therapist said.

In 1894, they won their first game, with the first ever LSU touchdown scored by Samuel Marmaduke Dinwidie Clark. Yes, that’s his name! Samuel Marmaduke Dinwidie Clark!

Everyone sing!

Samuel Marmaduke Dinwidie Clark
His name is my name, too
When we’re footballin’
People love callin’
There’s Samuel Marmaduke Dinwiddie Clark!

Louisiana State has high standards. They won the National Championship in 1908, but the school doesn’t recognize it. They won the Sagarin Ratings and Williamson Poll national championships in 1936, but they don’t recognize that, either. They won Canada’s Grey Cup twice, England’s Premiere League 3 times, the Australian Rugby League Championship 3 times and the World Cup in Soccer in 1986, none of which the school recognizes.

Gosh, what do they recognize?

“Barbecue, son! That’s what we recognize. That’s what we really care about,” a university spokesperson explained. “If these kids can win the World Barbecue Championships, we’ll recognize ’em. Put together a world class pulled pork rib to die for, and you are a winner in Baton Rouge!”

About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.

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