I Don’t Think William Wallace Would Have Battled It Out on YouTube

YouTube is fantastic. There are many educational and inspirational videos to watch. You can take full college classes, listen to lectures and tour art museums.

Or you can watch streetfights.

It’s hard to believe, but for every cat video on YouTube, there is a streetfight video. They are fascinating because no matter the country, age or level of alcohol intake, you’ll find a cast of recurring characters.

Mr. “Float Like a Butterfly”

He does more pre-fight trash talking and crowd work than Ali in his prime. While his opponent waits, this fellow struts around with his hands outstretched, telling the crowd, “Everybody here knows I run these streets, I am the king, and this fool is going to learn to respect the king!”

Mr. “Jui-Jitsu Karate Kung-Fu Master”

He took two classes in karate at a local school located in a former flower shop in a strip mall. Based on this vast experience he assumes a martial arts pose, both confusing and entertaining his opponent.

He does surprising well because the other guy doesn’t take him seriously, letting his guard down just enough to let the guy sneak in a karate strike.

Grappler Guy

Grappler Guy immediately grabs the other guy and takes the fight to the ground. He like to squeeze his opponent like a tube of toothpaste in a Black and Decker bench vise. This non-action goes on for so long, people in the crowd have set up chairs and ordered pizzas.

Zen Guy

Zen Guy remains remarkably calm while his opponent taunts him mercilessly. He keeps his arm to his side and lets the rooster crow. Suddenly, when the time is right, he is flurry of feet and fists. The other guy doesn’t expect this change, underestimating their desire to fight back. By then it is too late, and a solid shot to the jaw ends the taunts.

Mr. Bar Fight Bonanza

He is the leader of 8-10 guys taking on a similar number of another group of drunks. No doubt the fight is over something trivial, but this guy knows how to stir the pot. Soon it becomes a scene out of the Wild West, chairs flying, tables thrown about and the sound of sirens on the wind.

Hooligan Bouts

This is one that seems unique to a region of the world, possibly Russia but it’s hard to tell. Two groups of hooligans meet in a pre-determined spot, usually a remote field or clearing, to settle their differences. Each wears solid color shirts to keep clear which side is which. At the signal, they march toward each other in massive groups, meeting in the middle in a flurry of fists. Designated members of each side act as “referees” of sorts, although I can’t see what value they add.

There is a certain Braveheart quality to it, the rush across the field and ensuing bloody battle. In Braveheart, they were fighting for freedom. In YouTube streetfight videos, the only thing they seem to be fighting is boredom.


About Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.

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