Planet Guilt
Planet Hollywood is having some financial problems lately. Despite these setbacks, there is news of more theme restaurants. Here are some of the new exciting restaurants soon to be built near you:
PLANET GUILT- this chain is being put together by the Catholic Church. The first one will be attached to St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York. Exhibits include glass cases full of pope hats, the little one that looks like it goes on a bowling ball and the tall one that needs warning lights on it for low flying aircraft. Special attractions are the pay phone booth made from the original papal bullet proof booth.
IRS CAFE- the new IRS cafe in Washington has proven to be a popular tourist destination this summer. The IRS cafe is popular with the meeting and convention industry because of the multi purpose Willie Nelson banquet room. The IRS Cafe loses points on originality however. At Arnold Schwarznegger’s own restaurant in Santa Monica, he plays “Learning Australian” tapes in the bathrooms. The IRS Cafe has a continuos loop of recent tax law changes. Especially popular in the men’s room are the urinal mints that are created with pictures of IRS executives on them.
REPUBLICAN RESTAURANT- also in Washington, the Republican diner on a block of one way streets that only allows right hand turns. The walls are covered with popular Republican items of historical interest including the Pete Wilson weathervane- it changed direction wherever the wind blew. Popular menu items include Dan Quail potato skins.
DEMOCRAT DINER- designed by Teddy Kennedy, the special feature is that it is not located next to any bridges. A special meter on the wall keeps track of Bill Clinton’s approval rating. If it goes up more than five per cent during dinner, the whole restaurant gets free six packs of Billy beer left over from the Carter Administration.
INTERNET CAFE- there are no waitresses at the Internet cafe. You order from your table by logging on to the internet and the food is delivered by robots. When I was there I tried to get the phone number of an attractive blonde sitting at the bar. All she gave me was her e-mail address.
BASEBALL BISTRO- the unique feature of the Baseball Bistro is that the casual fare menu items are way overpriced. The zucchini sticks, for example, are $2,000,000. The Daryl Strawberry appetizer doesn’t even stay at your table. It gets passed around to your neighbors tables until it doesn’t work out and gets passed again.
HOCKEY HUT- this northern chain is opening several restaurants in the south, proving their is an appetite for hockey in southern states. More likely, this chain proves their is a market for violence. Every hour, two waiters drop their gloves and fight. The action includes fake blood flying through the air. In the gift shop you can buy teeth molds shaped like actual fake teeth of your favorite NHL stars. Just pray we don’t get a Monica Lewinsky Cigar Bar.
